W is headed on another weekend trip. Not thrilled with it, but what can I do. She and I texted a lot this morning and at one point she said, in response to me being sarcastically mean to her, "you're just mad because I'm leaving on my weekend trip tomorrow." I responded back, "not mad, but I will miss you"
I know it was stupid to show pursuit, but I did. At least it was an honest mistake. Honest in the fact that I will miss her. She seemed to warm a little after that. Even got a winky kiss with heart emoticon?
Prayers and good thoughts needed for the weekend. I still feel like she is circling and ever so slowly drawing closer. It's like a toilet bowl flushed. I'm at the bottom of the bowl (which is what she has treated me like at times). But the vortex of my awesomeness will eventually pull her in.
How's that for a metaphor! I guess if people treat you like crap, you end up looking at the positive side of it. Haha!
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I've done small pursuing things along the way too. I don't think it has been a bad thing. When she is pushing a negative perception on you, I think it's good to validate like that. I think saying "I'll miss you," is much better than "sorry you feel that way," especially in a text, where that could come off as being insincere. You're doing amazingly well MM! Love your crapper metaphor
M38,H39 M:16Y BD:8/12 OWDB:11/12 S:11/12-5/13 "Temp" home:6/13 OW dropped:9/13 "I love you":12/13 H ring on:2/14 Depression back:5/15 "I'm done:" 7/15 H moved out: 3/16 H moved back: 12/16 Working on us: 3/17
Me and the boys are wearing ourselves out riding dirt bikes and swimming. I've been keeping us all super occupied while w is off playing. It was hard to get them out of bed for church today.
W sent me a text this afternoon to ask how her "family" was doing. Then to tell how amazing the concert she went to last night was. It was the first mention of her going to a concert. It hurt like hell to read. I want to be there with her! I can't believe she doesn't know how that makes me feel. I played as if I was tickled to death about her fun. Asked lots of questions, etc. Very difficult to do.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I know it hurts so bad when your spouse is doing activities you know you would love to be doing with them. You responded in the right way--went against your feelings and did/said the right things. Good job!
Keep up the good work. It's a difficult path but you're climbing it well.
rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
MIL just called to tell me I need to put my foot down with w. She thinks its wrong for her to be gone this many days. I guess Ws activities are starting to wear on her mother now. I just told her I was doing what I felt was best. She told me w would respect me more if I put a stop to all this.
Puts me in a tough spot. It takes a lot to not give w a piece of my mind, to tell her how I feel good and bad. Not sure what to do....
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Mtn! My March 2012 BD buddy! Good to hear from you my friend!
Originally Posted By: Mtnman
I played as if I was tickled to death about her fun. Asked lots of questions, etc. Very difficult to do.
I actually AM tickled when W tells me about her outside activities. Why? For one, she's always had a social anxiety, and feared going out and doing things... Still does, but is getting better. I always hoped she could find a way to come out of her shell, so to speak.
Second, I'd rather have her confiding in me and telling me about her life than not. Better chance for R, I think, plus I feel better KNOWING what's going on. Would you prefer she kept her outside life secret? I sure wouldn't!
When she tells you about her "fun" you listen, engage and ask questions. Tell her about your interesting life too. You've been getting a life, right?
Quote:
MIL just called to tell me I need to put my foot down with w. She thinks its wrong for her to be gone this many days. I guess Ws activities are starting to wear on her mother now. I just told her I was doing what I felt was best. She told me w would respect me more if I put a stop to all this.
I also think you need to put your foot down... with MIL! Assure her that doing what she is pressing for WILL NOT bring the desired results. It is more likely to make W run or send her packing. Then, try to keep your dirty laundry to yourself. Don't tell her about W's activities. Only positive communication with MIL. You know, like how your doing fine and are seeing progress. If MIL sees you doing fine, she'll worry less. You really need to keep her out of this. (as much as you can anyway, now that she knows)
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
