This plane has landed, baby!

[angel61]

Hi everyone! Just visiting the site to see whats happening, in most of the forums they are all new names except for those here in piecing.

Its now been 1.5 years since we started piecing. So far, its going forward, but its slow, and not exactly how I envisioned it to be......

I used to imagine that once we pieced, we would have this great awakening, and that my H would come back to me, baring his soul and likewise, so would I. We would have the freedom to talk about everything and anything.

Couldn't be farther from what I imagined. I realized that personalities really don't change even after all that happened. My quiet, reserved spouse is back. I guess the person who I saw during the crisis who was more vocal and emotional was actually not the real "H". But I guess I prefer this version, and I have learned to be more in tune with what his actions really mean and trying to communicate with him also through the same means.

However, I sometimes feel that I worked too much to change myself, to make myself a better person, and find myself feeling pressured. I know though that if I give in to my natural self (which I do at times) then my argumentative, controlling side will surface....and of course, we all know how that could make everything come tumbling down. Darn!

One thing I also notice is that lately, I have been plagued by thoughts from the past, even to the extent of having a bad dream here and there. Mostly, I remember the "sweet nothings" I read on my H's texts to OW, and feel frustrated that I don't get that kind of verbal or written words frm him. Sometimes, I feel like telling him about it, or even being snide about it (saying something like yeah, I guess my SMS and phone calls are NOT the highlight of your day" after being told that I called at the wrong time AGAIN)....but thankfully am able to stop myself before I damage our R.

Otherwise, there has not been any contact with OW at all, H is very caring about the family, when he is away he calls 2 to 3x a day. He does have a tendency to feel like I am still doubt him (I guess sometimes I do) or his ability to make decisions, and has reassured me that he is doing everything for our M, and that not even work takes precedence over our M.