Thanks, Hopeful. It would be nice if there were that injection. smile I'm sure you would have some great advice. I think the books we read had some great advice, too. But you're right in that he has to be invested.

I simply find us completely incompatible. He's not a horrible guy, has a lot of nice qualities, should easily be able to find someone else that finds him attractive. I tried talking to him about the rationale for us staying M'd when we're both so unhappy, and why don't we just split amiably and go on about our separate lives? I explained that I don't have negative feelings for him, that I really wish him the best, that he has a lot of positive qualities, and that I want him to be happy, but it's just that he seems to be unwilling or unable to meet MY needs in this relationship, as I seem to be unable or unwilling to meet his. Call it irreconcilable differences. Why couldn't we just agree that it isn't working for either of us and part friends?

He is adamantly opposed. He says he would hate me if we D'd. He says he didn't invest 19 years just to walk away from it. I asked him what investment? It's not like he put me through college. It's not like he left his W and kids for me. It's not like he gave up his job and life and friends and moved across the country to follow me. Until the last 2 years, I've always earned more money than him. He plays golf, softball, surfs the net, watches tv. He'll clean or do (his) laundry, but it's not like he wouldn't have done all that anyway if he were single. He has put effort into raising our son, with boy scouts and homework and baseball, but it's not like he'll lose that. His investment in ME is almost nil (I can't actually think of anything, but I'm being generous.)

So simply, what is the big loss? What is the big "rejection" he refers to? What "investment"? When I asked him, he kept responding "time." Time, like a prison sentence? Then why would you want to stay?

Me:49 WAW H:59
T:19.5 M:19
S:13