Going In Circles

[shouldistillhope]

Start of a new week, hope this one goes better than this past weekend. I had my parents and sister and BIL over this past weekend to try and finish up the remaining projects on our house so we could get it on the market. It was my first weekend without my boys since BD. W took them to her moms for the weekend so i was really planning on getting alot done. We installed flooring in two rooms, stair railings and spindles and nule posts etc. Also finished taping and mudding and texturing, installed new stairs and landing and 3 of my helpers painted the exterior portions of the house that needed to get done. The problem is, W has been promising that she would get the painting done for the last 5 weeks and every time i go over to house, the things she promised are never done.

Yet she continues to make up excuses and blame me for all of the things that are not done and she refuses to take responsibility for why her portion never gets done. I just keep my mouth shut and try to encourage her as best i can.

This all came to a head yesterday after my family left and she got back from her mom's with my kids.

She walked in the house and marched right past me without saying a word, and looked everything over and then went right back outside slamming doors on her way out. I finished cleaning up and after about 10 minutes i went outside and approached her asking her what was bothering her. I said i felt she looked upset about something and asked if she wanted to tell my why.

That was when s--t exploded from her. She started crying and yelling at me that i didn't get anything done over the weekend and i promised her everything would get done. I said i wanted to get more done but everything took more time than we anticipated. She said "you had 5 people here this weekend and nothing in done, what did you do?" I sat there in stunned silence and let her have her say, when she was done i walked into the house to calm down so i wouldn't be tempted to get into a major argument with her. I talked to the kids for awhile and then went back outside to talk more with her on why she felt the way she did.

The results were worse this time. She looked at me and said "I can't even stand to look at you right now. I can't even stand to look at your face. If you want to remain friends through all of this, you will just get the hell out of here right now. Just leave." These types of insults and anger kept coming out of her like i had no feelings at all.

I finally had enough and I felt I needed to defend myself. I said "Yes, i didn't get as much done as i thought i was going to. We accomplished a lot, but 3 of my helpers had to work on painting the things that you promised you would do for the past 5 weeks that you didn't get done.

Again she yelled "you didn't get anything done, what did you do all weekend?" I then told her to follow me, i would show her everything we did. We worked our fingers to the bone all weekend, and i was chastised for it.

My weekends since BD and even before that have consisted of working 50 to 55 hours during the week and then trying to get our house remodeled because she wanted a nice house. I don't blame her for wanting nice things, but it is burning me out. I dont get to spend time with my boys even when i have them every weekend because i have to finish this project up to sell it.

I turned around and walked back in the house to gather my thoughts and talked a bit to the boys about how their weekend was. I told them i loved them and i would see them this week to take them camping.

Went back outside and asked W if we could talk about the house. She looked at me and i mentioned that it is in our settlement papers that if she wanted to stay in the house, she has to re-finance so that my name can come off the mortgage. I said that i needed some of the equity out of the house if she refinanced and she looked at me and said "i have been nothing but nice through this whole thing, do you think i am stupid?"

I said "no, i am just trying to protect myself so that you don't end up with a free house out of this." It was then back to her crying and name calling and i tried to just listen without judging or saying anything to her. She said she would refinance the house and take on all the bills herself and take care of everything just like she always has.

I am at a loss as to how to respond to her and the lies she is telling herself are truths. I was there for her financially. I maybe wasn't always there for her emotionally, but now i feel like i cannot even attempt to do that either.

I don't know anymore what to do. Today i just keep replaying the whole scene in my head and i feel like i need to stick up for myself at times instead of trying to validate her lies.

I have not contacted her during the week and tried to go as dark as i can, but at this point i feel like there is nothing i can do. She is manipulating every situation in her favor so she can justify this D that i didn't want.

I am tired. Tired of trying to do the things which seem so counterintuitive, yet this is what she needs to see from me.

I feel like i will never see my wife in the same way again, and it scares me because i have so much hope for a R in the future months down the road after D.

I don't know if this was the final straw, maybe she is just saying these things to truly make me go away for good. I just don't know anymore.

I looked at her and said i was proud of what i had accomplished on our house and i was once proud of the family we had created, and said that didn't seem to matter to her anymore.

I went back to my sisters house after it was all over and i received an interesting phone call from my neighbor in the town our house is in.

He said my W stopped over to drop off a paint sprayer she had borrowed. He asked her if it worked out and she said "NO" he then mentioned she started crying and walked back over to the house. He asked me what was going on and i explained to him what had happened between W and me previously. My neighbor and i are very close and he was one of only two or three people whom i could count on and trust when i needed to talk to someone.

We talked for awhile and then he told me something i had in the back of my mind since BD. He said his wife went to get her haircut two days ago and the lady who cuts his wifes hair is my W's best friend. Apparently they started talking about what went wrong with me and W and our sitch and neighbors wife said although her stylist never came out and said it, that my W was embarrased to tell people i was a steel worker.

I know what my faults are and were through all of this, but i never wanted to admit that this was one of the reasons for my w wanting a D. I worked my butt off to put her through school and now she is established in a good medical career, i feel she doesn't have any use for me anymore and she is telling everyone around town every single fault i have so she can justify this D.

I never figured my wife would turn out this way. I work 50 to 55 hours every week, and bring home a good income and always have. I asked my wife once after BD if she felt i provided for her and our family and she said "yes, of course, we were very comfortable." But this is now the second time i have heard of her telling one of her friends this type of thing, that she didn't feel taken care of and every time we needed money, she would take care of it. She feels that she did it all, and it is a lie, and a slap in my face.

I never wanted to admit that someone, especially someone whom i had loved as much as my wife would ever feel that way. She got pregnant when she was 15 and when we met, i raised her son who was 8 at the time and provided financially so she could go back to school three different times.

Now she is done, she has no use for me i guess.

Can someone explain to me why i want someone like this back? Why am i so madly in love with a woman who would do this? Is this really happening for this reason?

I can't seem to get any answers, so i am thinking of writing her a letter and leaving it in her car when i pick up my boys this week.

There are so many questions i would like to have answers to and since i can't get any of these things out of my mind, i feel like maybe this is what i need to do.

Any thoughts on how i should proceed with this? Is this even a good idea?