My 5-year plan is strictly for my son's sake. In fact, that's probably the only thing my H and I pretty strongly agree on, that we don't want him growing up in two houses living from a suitcase.
We do things separately for the most part because he has never been good about doing *my* activities with me. I used to invest my time and energy into his activities, thinking he would reciprocate. When he didn't, I stopped doing his activities with him. At this point, we really don't enjoy any of the same things. But then nor do I really enjoy his company anymore so it's not a problem for me that we don't do things together. He would still like me to tag along after him but I pass.
My H and I have already done a separation. We've already read His Needs, Her Needs (year 3 of our M). In fact, we have a virtual library of relationship books. H is good about buying them and carrying them around, though I'm not sure if he ever reads any of them. In any case, he doesn't apply them.
There's nothing sudden about our situation. I started insisting upon a reciprocal M years ago. Our problems/arguments have actually settled down in more recent years as I've pulled away. The 5-year plan used to be an 8-year plan 3 years ago. Maybe the problems are just getting better for me because the end is getting closer and so I don't care as much.
One of the things I've read throughout the posts here on DB is that the LBS wishes their WAS would have said something, because they supposedly didn't have a clue until the WAS handed them D papers and walked out the door. Well I can say without a doubt that I HAVE told my H of the problems. If he claims he didn't know, then he'll be lying. The odd thing about our sitch in relation to the standard WAS scenario illustrated by Michele is that we've already exhausted all the avenues that are usually employed by the LBS to learn and implement changes (books, counselors, programs, etc.) Since none of them have helped us, I believe that when I leave, it really will be the end.
