If you were such a good wife then why did i stray?

[tiredndrained]

Just venting...I haven't written in a while Things became "comfortable" with the H. Nothing got worse and some days seemed like we were moving in the right direction. My family and friends all think I'm crazy and tell me to kick him out. Last week an argument and it went something like this. H-We could have been better right now if not for you. We are not staying together because of you. Me-We are not staying together becuase you go out every night and don't come home and dump me with the kids. We are not together because you cheat and are a lousy husband...yada yada...

More blame on me.

Then yesterday at 3AM when he sauntered in I got angry. Asked where he was. After a year of this I deserve an answer. Only response...Why do I care?? Because you jerk...it is rude and disrespectful. I care because I've put up with you for 18 yrs. What do you mean why do I care? Don't I deserve an answer. He finally got a job and tells me he will be working weekends and will take the kids during the week on his days off. This, assuming he is actually moving.

Today, I told him I am not agreeing with his arrangement. Why do I need to be agreeable to him and his job schedule? I have always bent over backwards for him and only got kicked in the a--. I told him I don't have to agree and he can do every other weekend like every other father in america. I have to work weekends to. With that being said, maybe I should just let him do the nights. Then I have more time with the kids but it doesn't seem fair. So, he got really mad bc I said this and started saying awful things to me. Told me that I shouldn't be forcing him to stay when he is so unhappy. I told him that no one if forcing him and I have told him to leave for 9 mos now and he never leaves. I don't appreciate being blamed for his unhappiness and he needs to take responsibility. I'm tired of being blamed that he is unhappy. Why does he think it is me??? I told him he needs to take responsibility that he destroyed our family and stop blaming me for everything. He said that I don't get "It" when I asked him what it meant he couldn't answer. He can never answer. I often wonder if he really knows what it it is that bothers him so much. I never get a real valid explanation for why he is so unhappy with me.

I guess I'm feeling stuck still. He doesn't leave. He is too comfortable. I want to move on. I don't want to be blamed for his problems. I also don't believe him that he is not doing anything when he leaves at night. Why should I???