Getting Uncomfortable

[mizjjd]

BRNR, TVS, Portia, nero nero, TnD,

Hey guys gals

How nice to check and find so many friendly greetings!!

Pardon me just a minute, those d*mned cats turned S20's stereo on... AGAIN lol

Ok... I unplugged it this time - just NOT my kind of music, and the volume is broken so its either loud or louder and right on top of my head...

H is off to the casino.

Can I relate the ANGER, so deep that it feels an awful lot like hate.

Yep, you know right where I am Portia. One of the more recent "talks" H and I had he was defending his R with OW because it was "just talk" (and I do believe that is "just a lie") and he said "it would never go any where. I've done the same thing with numerous women and most of time these things don't develop into anything."

Did I share this before? I can't remember.

Anyway, beyond his questionable choice of defense argument, that phrase "numerous women" is just ECHOING in my head like you wouldn't frikkin believe. I can actually SEE it, floating on top of H's head like a cartoon bubble.

And to realize how pervasive this means his infidelity has been over the years. That while I was taking care of him, our 4 children (and for a while also his D from M#1) and the house he was "taking care" of "numerous women".

But in the surreality of this shaken up snow globe called MizJay's world... WTF am I supposed to do?

I don't want to shake up the twin's senior year so I have to find a way to suck it up and carry on.

And I don't want to go on a lengthy car ride with H, and I don't want to go see his parents. Right or wrong, and I'm sure its wrong, but right now they are not on my favorite people list. I'm sorry for their troubles and certainly don't wish them any harm or ill, but I don't want to visit.

If the border guard doesn't save me I think I'll just be unable to get the time off work. And noooo, there's no money for a side trip.

Ooops, gotta run.

Thanks again for stopping by (TnD!! Nice to "see" you again - I've been wondering how you were doing.)

[RosaLinda]

Ah Mz. J, what an awful thing to learn. I can understand why that terms "numerous women" and "most of time these things don't develop into anything" have been echoing in your brain, zipping at your ear like an annoying mosquito. How horrible. But maybe he was referring to his previous affairs, the ones back in the 1990s? He was unfaithful back then, and is at least emotionally unfaithful with this current OW now, but maybe it hasn't been pervasive over the years.

So sorry you had to hear that J. I hope to God that it isn't what it sounds like.

I'm glad your MIL has recovered, and your FIL is no longer considering a suicide pact (I assume!). It will be lovely for your H and kids to see them. But the border guard is not going to let you go into Canada without a passport. The days of being permitted to cross with a valid picture ID are gone. No need for you to be the "bad guy" saying you don't want to go (and no the feeling that you just do not want to see them right now is NOT wrong), you will not be permitted. I think the time alone while they're gone will be good for your PMA. A good break from child care while dealing with MLC craziness will be good for you!

[Portia]

MizJ,

Now that scientists have done all this DNA mapping, maybe partners and Hs can come with warning labels.

Do you think there is a gene for MLC or number of "special friends" (your post on Linda's thread made me laugh)?

I am sorry, that must have been hurtful to hear and as bad, I find, your brain is left trying to fill in all the blanks - how many, when and who? But you know what? When the good people of this Board say don't believe anything they say...it is true. It may be that he doesn't even realize what he is saying. I trust you. I trust that you know him.

And I trust that you know that we are here for you!

[mizjjd]

Thought for the day:

“If you don’t like something change it;
if you can’t change it,
change the way you think about it.”

~ Mary Engelbreit


Nope, can't get across the border without a passport

H returned late Sat night from casino...?

I returned from fastfoodland Sun to find him on the couch with red eyes. He'd been watching movies and crying. In response to my query he said the best he could figure was it was watching "family unity" and father/son stuff. I asked if he was seeing himself as the father or the son - he said both.

D18 is starting to have trouble at her job. Sad to say this is right on schedule for her. There is someone there being a b!tch she says. For D18, there always is.

I feel this is "her" but talking with H he says oh its just because she's so pretty, she's not a "factory" mentality. Sooo, what about the restaurants and retail jobs? Oh she just is better than all that - she needs to find a rich man to marry.

I see a correlation between H not taking responsibility for his own actions and his excusing of D18s behaviors. But strangely, the flip side of that coin is that H also thinks he's to blame for everything.

However all that adds up it equals to an unhappy person - for both H and D18.

And I still don't like him. Lol. Very strange. I am sorry for his anguish, but don't feel so moved to throw our history out the window and approach him with a "clean slate". No no no, umpteen times bitten umpteen times shy.

Ah well. 4th of July week! I get Thur off!!

And I'm posting a poll for my fellow DBers.

Should I go back to school? I am not sure it makes financial sense.

Right now, I absolutely cannot afford it.

I feel I should be putting away money so if/when H and I split I will have something in the bank.

To complete a degree would cost at least $10,000 and take probably 5 years. Meaning, I would be 50 years old and qualified to get jobs often filled by young 20 somethings.

As we all know, having a degree doesn't guarantee a job.

I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't be better off financially to just find a way to work more hours, pay off the house loan some, and put some money away for a "rainy day".

I would just be sick knowing I spent all that money (& time!) to get a degree that leaves me still working fastfoodland jobs - and that is entirely possible.

I can be a very good student and think I would enjoy going to school, but even to go one class at a time is more than I can afford right now. And going at that pace would mean I'd get a degree in probably 10 years lol.

So, I wondered what my wonderful insightful DBers thought?

Cheers!

[job]

Just my two cents...why not continue working and take a couple of classes in the evening or on line? That way, you still have an income coming in and can work towards your degree. Yes, it might take longer, by the time you have paid off the house loan, you'll be ready to go to school full time and not have to worry about the house and one nice thing...you may not have that many classes left to take.

Again, just my two cents.

[mizjjd]

Oh.

My.

Oh my goodness.

Got to thinking about finances this morning. We're behind on bills, have been since April when H went to his folks and then this and then that happened.

Of late he hasn't had good trips to the casino he has said.

So on a whim I went this morning to were he keeps his bankroll. I don't think he knows I know where it is. I have monitored it for some time - and he has been truthful about how much money he has in it. For whatever that's worth anyway.

But. Oh My Goodness, ha ha ha, Lol, I can't breathe...

He didn't mention a thing about the man's wedding ring that was in the hidey hole too.


IDK what this is. It isn't "ours", I've never seen it before.

Are he and OW pretending to be married?

And what do I do about this now that I found it?

No, I'm not going to ignore it. Because I'm not interested in "keeping" him.

I'm just trying to decide on how to go about presenting it.

So far my favorite scenario is to pretend I found it on the floor near his hidey hole and be all angelic innocence just to see what he has to say about it.

I've also thought about slipping it on my finger to see if he notices.

I've thought about serving it to him with his dinner.

Now that I've vented, I'm going to work on not hyperventilating.

[mizjjd]

I'm also considering hocking it....

[job]

Now, that's an interesting find. I don't he used that ring to pretend he was married to the ow. Maybe he won it gambling? Something isn't right about it...I think I would take a photo of it and put it back, if you don't, he'll know you know where he stashes stuff.

[Takevowsserious]

Oh snaaaaaaaap!

I don't know Miz J. This one has me scratching my head. But I will admit, I laughed my a$$ off when I read some of your ideas. My favorite? Serving it to him as part of his dinner

Okay, back to reality...
I say just let it go. Chances are, he's just gonna lie anyway, which is only going to piss you off more.

Breathe in deep, girl. Breathe.

As far as school, I'm a big fan of getting an education. It's going to open doors for you, even if its in the long run. Could you work on getting an Associate's Degree first? I like Snodderly's idea too, taking a class or two at a time at night.

Check in and let us know how you are feeling

[RosaLinda]

When was the last time you checked said hidey hole and found it ringless? 

I have several thoughts. Maybe he found the ring or as Snodderly suggested, won it gambling. But maybe he uses it to ward off women making advances towards him at the casino? 

As for school, hadn't you the idea of a secretarial or office management type certificate at one point? Probably wouldn't take as long as an associates degree and would supply marketable skills. Also I think you mentioned that your wonderful job might become full time? Next month? Some employers give tuition assistance to full time employees.