Hoping for WAS to come home

[JaxFL14]

Well after my W was not able to make it to our dinner a week ago I asked her out for dinner this upcoming Thursday. She said "the 4th?", I said oh, didn't realize that. And I was gonna leave it at that because I don't want to seem needy reaching for other days but she came right back with "I can go Friday". So we are planning to go this Friday. Still worried about finding normal, happy, light things to talk about. I'm sure the kids will come up a lot. I had told her that I'm not looking to talk about US unless she wants to. Just a fun dinner. I prob pushed too far yesterday when I suggested going to the beach together in 2 weeks to relax. Though she agreed to it. Looking back now I'm thinking I should have waited a bit. I have a hard time with patience and holding back.
I do find myself asking myself if I'm changing into the person I want to be or the person I think my W wants. I shop for cloths asking myself if this is something she would like, cologne she would like... But I'm trying to attract her right? I had a big break through with realizing something about myself and why I have never been one to speak my mind with my W when something bugs me. While on vacation last week my dad was telling me that he had told my mom to stop barking at the 8 kids in our pool cause he was dealing with them all. She snapped back and then didn't talk to him the rest of the day. About 10 min after hearing that it hit me like a ton of bricks!!!!! DUH!!!! I have seen this reaction my whole life between my parents. I feel it has conditioned me not to say anything negative EVER cause I don't want that type of reaction from my W. though my W is nothing like my mom it still stopped me from "calling her out" on things. My W even told me once about a year ago to call her out and yeah she may not like it but she respect me more for it. A step in the right direction for self growth I feel.