Take it to the limit

[Takevowsserious]

Hi T, welcome back! Glad you had a great wife- free trip with your boys

Fingers crossed, knock on wood, all that good stuff... I hope this is a true reality check for H. That he sees all he has with me and the boys, sees all he stands to lose. Is she really worth it?

~~~~~~~~~

Did something today that was an important part of my GAL list - I went to church with the boys.

I was raised Catholic, married Episcopalian, and have been looking for a church to call home. I found it.

Today's sermon was about humility - acting with grace even when others treat you horribly. That it's really God's problem how that person is acting, not yours. Gee, just a little bit pertinent to me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

H called today while we were at his parents house for his niece's birthday party. He has been calling around the same time everyday.

Initially questioned me a little about why I didn't answer the phone when he called yesterday.

H- I called yesterday, but you didn't answer, so I left a message

Me - you called the house?

H- no, your cell phone

Me- I texted you after that. We were outside with the crab

H- I was wondering why you didn't answer since you usually have your phone near you

Huh????? I already explained yesterday in my text that I was outside when he called...

He sounded good - said he was having a real good time

Asked me lots of questions - who was at his parents, how were the boys, how was I. Wanted to talk to S5. Told me about the weather there (rainy today) and asked about the weather here.

By the end of the conversation, I could sense something in his voice. Not sure exactly what it was - possibly a twinge of sadness?

Said he would call tomorrow, and that he's coming home Tuesday. But doesn't know what time his flight is????

~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a good day today overall. Some moments of sadness and lonliness of course. At times, thoughts of them together would creep into my mind and I had to push them away.

But I felt pretty positive today.

There was a banner at the church that had this famous bible verse:

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends."

That's what I'm trying very hard to believe

[TSquared2]

Thanks TVS, it was good, though I did miss W a few times. Sunsets, the hot tub, the shower was perfectly built for...um...two....

Sounds like H had some "this is wrong" belied by the twinge of sadness ?

I am so glad you are hanging in there with some solid PMA!

I guess we shall see what the coming week gives us, eh?


T^2

[reachingHigher]

Hi Tvs,

I'm sorry you had to hear H said he was having a good time. I say, you still don't know. My H would've said many drinking episodes were "good times" but there are always consequences.

I am so glad you found comfort in a church, a sermon, a feeling of spiritual "home" and a Bible verse. Those are all very powerful comfort zones.

Funny your H should try to pin you down about why you didn't answer the phone at that second when he is not willing to give info about what he is doing at any given time!

Keep that PMA up.
You are that prize!
You handled this weekend beautifully
You go girl!
Hugs,
rH

[Takevowsserious]

Thanks rH

I'm not having a good PMA day. Feeling so very tired and irritable.
I feel a lot of resentment rising up - it must be nice to waltz off to the beach for almost a week of relaxation and fun with your ho bag while I stay here and deal with potty training and dead pets and late nights and cooking and cleaning and laundry and swim lessons and everything else in life.

Maybe I sound like a big fat whiny baby. And maybe I'm being one. Oh well.

I think the blast to my PMA came this afternoon when H called. I wonder if it would have been easier not talking to him at all during this trip. Was very chatty again, asking me a lot of questions. Wanted to know how the birthday party was, how the boys have been. Told me he bought little gifts for the boys. He said his skin has been better, that the sun and saltwater seemed to have helped. That he has been sleeping pretty good (for him). That he is having a good time.

Well. La -ti - freakin- da.

Part of me doesn't want to even see him when he comes home tomorrow.

Maybe I'm just jealous because I wish I was the one at the beach with my H.

As I'm writing this, the boys came downstairs after waking up from their naps to give me hugs. Okay, so maybe I'm the lucky one after all

Spending the evening with SIL and the kids, as they leave tomorrow morning. Done with my ranting and complaining - at least for now

[uRworthy]

Ok, T, I have to tell you, I was a little pissed for a second with your h.

And then I realized, look at him, T. Look at him. He is at a beach with a married woman cheating on his wife and leaving his kids.

Pathetic, really. Sad, too.

And it is ok to be annoyed and whiny sometimes. Normal even.

But then, the realization - the hugs, the memories you've made for your children. Those are the real deals. That's the good stuff.

Leave God to deal with him, my friend.

You revel in the the really important stuff.

You are the epitome of grace and strength and dignity, my friend.

Your H - not so much.

[reachingHigher]

I'm not having a good PMA day.

Tvs, I so understand!

I have been and sometimes still am resentful of my H in that he can still party, golf, shop, eat out, whenever he wants and assumes I'm taking care of everything. Which I am. And if we do something together, he doesn't think twice about who will care for S13.

And I remember last year feeling so annoyed how my H said what he loved about life on his own was getting up whenever he wanted, listening to whatever music he wanted as loud as he wanted, eating whenever and whatever he wanted, etc. etc. Things that you can't exactly do when running a household. Well...you can a little bit, but you know what I mean!

And....it is so much harder alone when the boys are little!

Last night S13 asked me if I remembered a convo last summer. The boys asked me before bed if I had locked the shed and I became emotional and said exasperatedly "I can't remember everything when I'm by myself without H here!"

It's been a struggle for me to want to see my H also tonight, but things are much farther along with us, so I am looking forward to it. But when he went away in October for two weeks it was a relief and I think you and GALb, and other kept me on track.

Tvs, rant and whine and complain all you want here. We really do all understand. I was a single mom for 2 1/2 years until H came into my life. It's hard to do it all alone and you have two little ones. And you're a great mom, beautiful woman, friend, and just all-around-lovely and fun person! And that takes a lot of energy.

Treat yourself easy today. Turn that expectation dial back to zero. And take some deep breaths. And let your H walk his journey. I know you know these things. Just reminding you. And know you are not alone. Even when it feels it.

[RosaLinda]

thank you uR. I was at a loss at how to comfort our friend, and you said it all so well. I'm glad you found a home church TVS, that will help you enormously. And it's a great gift to your sons. You will get thru this one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.

Rant away if it helps that's what we're here for!

[kml]

TVS -
How positive are you that he's there with OW?

I know you had your suspicions, but do you have proof? Is it possible that he's really on a golf trip with the guys and calling home nicely? How would you be acting towards him if that was the case?

[uRworthy]

Kml, I have thought of that, too.

T, I am assuming that she is not at work.

Is there other positive proof, T?

[Takevowsserious]

Thanks ladies, on my way to dinner, will post more later.

She is not at work.

I don't have any solid proof, just a lot of secretive and strange behavior from H.

He took over $1000 out to pay for things on the trip. That's an awful lot of money to be carrying around on vacation when he could just use the charge card.

He is a master of half- truths... Which is why I feel like he is there with the guys and her too. Maybe she is down there with her friends?

Something just doesn't feel right about it.

I did not act angry on the phone - we had a normal conversation - he just seemed very chatty.