I just had a situation like this, we had just had a nice talk 2-3 hours got along great. I told her since the following day it was my dinner night what I was making, She got excited, said she couldn't wait etc etc.
The next day comes, and she doesn't even come home till after 8 pm. Doesn't eat and acts like nothing ever happened or anything was wrong in her mind. So hard to DB, when you let your expectations up just a bit. I was proud of myself, didn't say a thing, blew it off myself.
Im just saying...........prepare for the same. Withdraw. Don't get excited even thou I know its hard not to think about it.
Prepare for that, big time. My H was cold one minute, hot the next. Even now that he's been totally different for 2 month's, I take it day by day.
Hang in there!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I am definitely not going to change my Db'ing strategy right now since what I'm doing seems to be working. I am not going to get my hopes up because i still have a long road ahead.. and the outcome could go either way. Still, regardless, it felt good that he reached out to me after what felt like so long. I guess when you are happy in a relationship you start to take these things for granted.....
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Wow, I've read the first 3 pages of this topic and it sounds more like my story than anything else I've found! At least as of page 3... My thread isn't getting any replies because I'm still being moderated and pushed back 10 pages before my posts get approved so I'm coming back to read the rest of your replies as soon as I get the kids to bed.
I love my husband but is there a point where the LBS just thinks, why would I want to stay with someone that is treating me this way, willing to break up the family without even trying to work on things. I am doing the 180's, GAL, keeping busy, etc. but keep coming back to that train of thought, unfortunately. I think it is crazy for him to consider leaving me, when we have 3 children in kindergarten.
H was distant again yesterday, (no surprise). I tried to say a couple of lighthearted comments, and he responds with one word answers. Then I went for a walk, and tried to be around him as little as possible. After the kids went to bed, H and I started watching one of our favourite tv shows on the couch together. He just kept 'sighing'. After a bunch of the 'sighs' I left to go upstairs to read a book, it is just too much to be around. For some reason I feel guilt when he acts that way, and I'm not sure why.
It physically takes a toll on myself to be around him when he is sighing, and looking so distant. Does anyone else find that? It brings my mood down, and I have to get away from him and do my own thing. I'm still in shock, 4 months later, over this whole ordeal, him saying he doesn't love me, doesn't care for me as he thinks he should, etc. I also feel he is only attracted to me after he has had a few beers. That is usually the only time he is affectionate with me.
I know I have to get over all of this resentment toward him, but it is hard!!!! I know he is not doing this to me on purpose, that he didn't choose for it to be this way, and it is hurting him to be hurting me. I know his head is in a fog right now. But I look at him and I always thought he would be there for me, no matter what. We had our 3 children together, and I never imagined for one second that he would walk away.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
I know I have to get over all of this resentment toward him, but it is hard!!!! I know he is not doing this to me on purpose, that he didn't choose for it to be this way, and it is hurting him to be hurting me. I know his head is in a fog right now. But I look at him and I always thought he would be there for me, no matter what. We had our 3 children together, and I never imagined for one second that he would walk away.
I can totally relate to this. I never in a million years imagined I would be in this position. And even though (sometimes) I think he's hurting too...I'm just so angry at him for turning my life upside down.
sthelen.. sorry to hear you are in a similar situation.. it is so hard. I will check out your thread in a bit, I am about to pick up the kids from school... last day of school for the kids today!!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Well. Today I told my H that I would like him to let me know by the end of July whether he wanted to keep on going with me or separate. He told me he thought that was reasonable. That was the end of our discussion. Other than that, we haven't had any other relationship talk for about 1 month, since I started DB'ing. So, now I am just going to keep DBing like crazy.
I look at my H now, and I don't see much hope. I can tell there is something wrong, or different about him. Not sure if it has anything to do with me or not. His heart is definitely not with me right now. I am wondering where my H from a couple of years ago has gone to. I wonder how things could have possibly gotten to where they are at now, almost like he is treating me as if I am a complete stranger. I do not understand this.
I am fine with whatever decision he chooses. I am almost wishing he decides to leave. I am (almost) at peace with that decision. I don't think he can possibly stay with the way he is feeling now. I can only hope his feelings change for the better.
Wish me luck!
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Highway61 I understand what you mean. Some sort of stability would be nice. Just knowing where our lives are headed. I too feel like I am in limbo and have been like that for years. And now I notice the effects on my kids. I hope it all works out for you and your family. I know it's hard but we have to try to remember there is a plan for us and if one door closes another will eventually open.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
At least as of page 3... My thread isn't getting any replies because I'm still being moderated and pushed back 10 pages before my posts get approved so I'm coming back to read the rest of your replies as soon as I get the kids to bed.