I feel the same way I'm so used to texting and calling my H all the time. Its killing me not doing any of this. Today I texted him cause I need to go grocery shopping very soon that was my only text I did today with him. I so what to tell him more but I have to learn to pull back its so hard to do. Well I have 3 more days before I go for a consultation with a lawyer I'm so scared on meeting with a lawyer I wish I could go with someone but I don't have anyone that will go with me. I really wish so much that I don't have to do this but it needs to be done to see what I'm entitled to be able to support myself and my two sons if we do end up divorcing.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Why are you texting him to go grocery shopping with you? Can't you get there by yourself? You've got to be more independent than this. I don't drive so I have to travel everywhere by bus. Isn't there an online site that you can order groceries from or a store that will deliver? Consider yourself just hit by a 2x4, lol My H has taken me shopping but only if he's here at the time and it's so uncomfortable I prefer to go by myself Haven't you got any friends or family near by that will go with you to see the lawyer? Even if they just take you there and then wait outside. Perhaps it's best that you do go alone, I know that my friends will only try and interfere if they are there! I thought you said H wants a D? Has he not got a lawyer yet? If not then why are you wasting your money getting one just in case? If he wants the D, then he has to pay for it. Only get a lawyer if you have to, not just in case! I'm not going to find one until I get a letter from his lawyer. Once I receive a letter from his lawyer, I don't have to do anything for 8 weeks anyway More than enough time to get myself sorted I know what you mean about wanting to tell your H everything. So much has happened in the last week and I so want to ring him up and tell him all about it.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I do have a car H gets paid on Wednesday and I wanted to let him know that I needed to go grocery shopping so he would that I will be going to go. All of my family lives about 14-22 hours away from me and the only friend that pretty much knows everything she is working the morning of the meeting. And H hasn't told anyone in his family what is going on so I can't ask any of them to come with me. As far as I know H went to meet with a lawyer last Thursday for a consultation he hasnt said anything about the meeting he had with the lawyer. And my father told me that it will be best for me just to have an consultation too just to see what are the laws are in the state that I'm living in cause each state has different laws about divorces. And my father said its just a consultation it doesn't mean that I have to file anything yet. And I shouldnt file right now until H does. But I do need to go see someone about what I'm entitled to be able to support myself and my boys in the state I live in. Cause I'm not originally from here I'm from another state. And the consultation is free so I don't have to pay anything.
I was just thinking that you're stressing yourself unnecessarily over going to see the lawyer that's all. Until I hear anything from his solicitor, I'm not going to act. My H might be bluffing, but yours is a different situation. I've not yet reached that situation, I'm not looking forward to it! My parents don't know what's going on either, I'm surprised your H hasn't told his parents. I'm going to have to tell my parents soon, but I'm waiting until it's absolutely necessary to do so. Are you still being supported financially by your H? Is that why you need him to know when you're going grocery shopping? I would just get in my car and go Ask him for the money if you need to, but don't let him be involved in the shopping. I'm sure you know what he likes and doesn't like by now If you forget anything of his, then he can get it himself! If he wants to be on his own, then he needs to do his own shopping, his own laundry, etc. After all when he gets D, he will have to do it all then. When he sees that you're not going to do anything for him, he may change his mind as he will realise how much you actually do for him. Just a thought
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Yes he is the one with a much better finance then i do. I only work part time so my paycheck is for rent and to cover the bills that is paycheck is not able to cover. When I go to the grocery store I'm only getting things that my sons and myself will be needing. Since he is never comes home for any meals anymore. At lease now my sons and I will have things that we like and I need to stop washing his clothes And cleaning up is mess its just that I have been doing it for the last 13 years and I'm so use to it. I will try that to see what will happen thank you for that suggustion I don't know why he hasn't told his mom yet. We lost his dad two years ago and we lost his step dad last year. Well I have to cut short its time for me to start work
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Really? Have you asked anyone you know to go with you?
It could be that you have a friend who doesn't work until noon....
I've backed off on our conversations because I was beginning to feel like a bully.
And especially here on DB I think its helpful to have others' perspectives. Sometimes hearing things from a different source makes things more understandable.
But I would hate to think you don't feel you can ask me for help.
You are NOT alone in this Kelela. I know sometimes we need alone-time to process and heal but don't fall into the trap of thinking "nobody cares anyway... if I call so-and-so I'll just be a bother to them"
I would LOVE to see you value yourself.
Take care girlie
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
There's a book that everyone keeps going on about called "co-dependent no more". I've not read it, but I've had lots of recommendation to get this book. Thanks for listening to my suggestions I know when my H had an OW before, he came back to me because he could see that I was the better woman than she was He's moved in with her so it was a lot easier to do a 180 on him. The way I saw it was let her look after him now! I agree with miz here. Bite the bullet and ask one of your friends whose available to come with you. Do you go to church? Maybe there's someone at church who can come with you. IMO, some of the church members are the most honest and trustworthy people I know
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I took yours and mizjjd advice and I had asked a friend to see if she could go with me to be my support person. I'm really scared about this whole thing. I still don't want to loose my marriage I don't know if I will be able to things on my own I seen how hard it was for my mother to do it on her own when she got divorce and now I'm about to go through what she went through. And I'm really scared to raise my boys on my own.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
My thoughts go out to you at this time Have you tried looking on the internet to see whether you can delay it or not? What grounds is he divorcing you on? My H is divorcing me on unreasonable behaviour, which is a joke!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
He said we just grow apart and we haven't been intimate for many years. I am meetimg with a lawyer tomorrow. H wants to do a dissolution instead of a divorce I don't know when he us planning to file a dissolution papers. And I'm trying so hard not to bring it up for the hope he changes his mind and give us a second Chance. I know it may never happen but I can hope for it.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
