I'm feeling so frustrated that I'm in exactly the same place that I was a year ago except now I have a lot more in legal fees. I still don't know where I'm going to live or what my final alimony will be and for how long. I'm such a planner so not being able to look ahead and commit to travel or others things I want to do is dragging me down. I don't know if I should be preparing for a big move or if I can finally take a vacation with the boys.
How do I not let resentment build when I've been treated so badly? H has been holding a large sum of money that's owed to me. No one disputes that it is mine, but it's being held until we've reached a settlement on all issues. In the meantime I continue to juggle bills and expenses. It scares me to no end that by the time we settle that money might be gone. H is a gambling addict after all.
I am really hoping that everything gets settled this week. The hearing regarding our marital status is next Monday and H would like to avoid it, even though he requested it. Either way the D will be final soon. I don't like the thought of my new status, the stigma and failure associated with it, but I no longer want to be attached to someone who acts, lives and treats others the way H does. I'm tired of grieving also, so I really hope getting that piece of paper doesn't send me into a tailspin.
