own a buz - pt 12 ... taking him off the pedestal

[makingmagic]

Not officially. I miss some on "personal time" as to not be "available"... as per Sandi's 37rules.

Melting, I am aiming for an appointment with counselor tomorrow. Flex schedule, so we will see.

As for the message. I have now missed the opportunity, and we are on to other things. Again, he is calling ALOT today. Calling to say, he will call back, etc. Weird.

Tonight, I have a party to go to.

Today's points: +4 (so far)..(-1, -2, -5, +5, +2, +2), the day is still early! LOL

Wonka ~ yes, I am borrowing worries from the future. I get it. And I see that I should be greatful that its only "coffee" or NOT EVEN. But coffee is his word. Who knows what it means. I still don't like it! And I will deal with it if/when the time comes. Meanwhile, I am preparing myself. I am not controlling the situation, just stating my hurt squirrely mind/heart. Maybe part of acceptance? Dunno?

Thanks Raine... I sure am aloof these days. Apparantly H thinks I am ignoring his calls. Does he expect me to still jump at his whim like he is used too? I was busy!! It was my "personal" time! OFF HOURS! I am sorry if my "coffee" comments have been insensitive to your situation. Didn't realize that you have a slew of fugly competition. Must hurt your pride and feel rejection too. I'm sure you are way too cute too!

TX KD ~~~ looking forward to hearing from you when you return. I WILL MISS YOU!!

Bond, Gabby... not with megga intent. Just being mysterious/not available! If it were a client, I would have answered.

[MrBond]

"Not officially. I miss some on "personal time" as to not be "available"... as per Sandi's 37rules.

"Bond, Gabby... not with megga intent. Just being mysterious/not available! If it were a client, I would have answered."

So he was correct that you were ignoring his calls. It doesn't matter what the reasons were, it is what you were doing. You are still in a business together right? You can't keep playing games like this.

He didn't care if you were with someone else, he wanted to know why you were ignoring his calls which is what you said you did. It's like you're playing games.

[makingmagic]

Well, I am confused. As DB'ers we have been advised to provide some mystery to our WAS. To not be so "available/needy/clingy".... this is what I am doing. Picking and chosing to not answer all text/calls, etc. (You have even advised me Bond, not to reply to certain texts... you said unnecessary...???)

I am not playing games, but my personal time is mine, to chose if I can get the call, or take it later (most people do this for most calls). I am one who usually accepts ALL calls. NOT anymore!

When I returned his call an hour or so later last night, he couldn't recall what he was calling me for anyway. Said whatever it was can wait till the morning (business hours). I said back that if he recalled he could call me back, if he wanted.

Why do I have to defend myself to him for missing a call?

[MrBond]

First of all, the two of you run a business and you said that no one can leave you voice messages. So that needs to be taken care of first.

Second, you never said what he was calling about at first. So, yes I said you didn't need to reply to "certain" texts like the ones that he just sends out with random comments. Plus, you wrote "calls" as in plural. So it sounded like you were ignoring all of them.

Third, you were going to reply back to him about making assumptions, etc. Unless you missed writing it here, he never made an assumptions. YOU were the one who assumed he was making assumptions about what you were doing and with whom.

It's more mindreading.

[makingmagic]

wait a minute....

All of my calls are call forwarded to him, his phone has VM. Therefore, we are not missing any client calls.

Secondly, I have no clue what he was calling about either, and according to him... he can't remember either. It was him who said "calls". Yes, plural. As I have missed his calls, just like he has missed mine.

Thirdly, its an assumption for him to say that I am "avoiding" his calls. How does he "know"?

He is just so used to me being attached to my phone and him 24/7 that he expects me to answer. Aren't I supposed to answer some, miss some, delay some... not be so predictable? Thought that was DB'ing? I feel much better not being "on demand", as I am so used to being for him. This way, I decide if I will take the call or not. On my terms. Not controlled by him.... hope this makes sense.

Bond, I don't recall stating he was making assumptions of what I was doing or with whom... if I did, I can agree with you that would be mind reading. When my phone rang, I was out with friends. GAL. I saw it was him (call display). Thought, hmmph. I will call him later. Put the phone in my purse and continued GAL. I didn't second guess it..... is that playing games? Really?

[MrBond]

Sigh, you're doing it again. You ask questions, we answer and you argue against what I said.

"All of my calls are call forwarded to him, his phone has VM. Therefore, we are not missing any client calls."

I didn't say you were missing client calls. All I meant was that if he's calling during work hours, then you should take care of business.

"Secondly, I have no clue what he was calling about either, and according to him... he can't remember either. It was him who said "calls". Yes, plural. As I have missed his calls, just like he has missed mine."

That's just semantics. Was it more than one call or not? I didn't know HE was the one who said "call"s. You just wrote calls and didn't clarify if it was actually one call or one hundred.

"Thirdly, its an assumption for him to say that I am "avoiding" his calls. How does he "know"?"

He doesn't "know". It's just semantics. The truth was that you WERE avoiding his calls.

"He is just so used to me being attached to my phone and him 24/7 that he expects me to answer. Aren't I supposed to answer some, miss some, delay some... not be so predictable? Thought that was DB'ing?"

Yes but at the start of this WHOLE conversation, you didn't say that you were trying to DB and avoiding his calls on purpose.

"I feel much better not being "on demand", as I am so used to being for him. This way, I decide if I will take the call or not. On my terms. Not controlled by him.... hope this makes sense."

Yes it does when you actually clarify what you did.

"Bond, I don't recall stating he was making assumptions of what I was doing or with whom..."

HE wasn't the one making assumptions. YOU were the one who was assuming that he assumed you were doing something with someone. That's why your original response that you asked for clarification from us was this..."I would prefer that you ask me questions of your concerns before making a judgement. its not right or fair that u think i am doing something I am not. dont assume, dont believe rumours, and dont mind read. If you want to know something, please just ask.

I am adding in about rumours as he believes I am "dating"... or being chatted up by someone. He is convinced from a rumour he heard. Wrapping it all up in one. "

"When my phone rang, I was out with friends. GAL. I saw it was him (call display). Thought, hmmph. I will call him later. Put the phone in my purse and continued GAL. I didn't second guess it..... is that playing games? Really?"

AGAIN you didn't clarify that to us here.

Okay, I'm exhausted from the going back and forth with you. I'm done. Have a good weekend.

[makingmagic]

Tx Bond... its all a misunderstanding. I was not trying to argue it, was just explaining.Let's get passed it please!!

[makingmagic]

Struggling today. Hoping to get in to see the councelor. He said he would try to fit me in today.

I am really sad feeling the loss today. Super lonesome for what I thought I had. My life, my man. Its my parents anniversary today.

Since I didn't get to Florida... I have decided to create further space between h and I this weekend. Trying my hardest not to call /text/ or see H. Friends had mentioned that if I had gone to florida, it would give him an opportunity to see what it would be like without me around. So... thought about it and this is the best I could come up with.

Although, it should be a regular work day...it is also a long weekend here. We work soooo much and are always available. I have decided to make a management decision and put off the clients until Tuesday. They can wait. I have not told h. I will just wait until Tuesday. But not sure what I will say to him. How I will explain it? Normally, I let him make the management decisions for this kind of stuff. I am trying to make a stand that I too, am capable of making an independent decision for the business, and myself.

Trying to keep busy. Fri night was a party (super fun) we got crazy with markers and were drawing tatoos on everyone. Immature fun! Didn't think of h at all!!

Yesterday, spent the day with a married friend and did some photography. He is having struggles with his relationship. His wife is awesome and gives me great advice. She was at a concert. Then went back to his place and watched a movie. (thought of h alot).

[makingmagic]

Went to councelling yesterday, seems like a good fit. He seems to understand the male psyche and explains well. He encouraged me to see h's betrayal and unavailibility to "love" like I do, like I deserve to be loved. With full Committment. He's a believer in the power of the universe and positive energy. He will help me through my struggle with my disposition that I created for myself. He wants me to focus on myself. He wants me to envision a better man from my h, him stepping up to the plate in appreciation, deserving of me and more. IF, he cannot do that... then to let him be. I went in in tears, 10 kleenexes, 2hours later, left feeling empowered! Then went to a friends house (referral for councellor), and she gifted me a leather wrap around bracelet, full of encouraging words .. like "i am beautiful, unique, ,awesome, one of a kind, etc"... super nice way to end that day. We hung out and watched a movie.

Today, I am going out of town for celebrations with her family.

I am very greatful to have such awesome friends.

[Wonka]

Magic,

Like!! Good job!