The sad part is that they choose "Crazy". I see the potential, not the current person. Maybe we live in more of a fantasy world than the MLCer?
In my mind, "Better off", is with a saved marriage and a whole family. Living alone after a failed marriage is an avoidable tragedy. But, you play the cards you are dealt. Living alone, healed, with a new life sounds pretty good right now.
Hi Portia, Hope you and your kitty are doing well. I hate to say it, but it's time for a new thread. What have you got in mind for a new title? You always come up with some good ones.
I hope you are enjoying your Sunday.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
you are rite about the loss of hope hurting. i have glimmers - but they're small. the being apart is a bad thing I think. i hate it- i feel powerless (now anyway) to change it. i hate that the ball is n his court and he has all the power.
i read once the person that cares less holds all the power. sure true here. hate that too. lot of hate around huh?
just the frustration
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I think that comes from being the person that is always leaned on, it is just assumed that I never needed to have someone to lean on.
i like this thought- it is me allover theplace. so we're independent and self sufficient- why would that make anyone not know or see or assume we too, need all the same things everyone else does , as they do??????? God- we're all just people at the end of the day- same under the skin mostly.
tho, my h alternately told me i'm too independent & too needy- whatever one suitted his fancy that day i guess.
AJ and Linda, I agree! Trying to put myself first is hard! I have always played the role of rescuer and that I have to rescue me sometimes never occurred to me. Linda, thank you for your inspiring words. I do plan to have a great summer - no more funerals, please! - I want to get outside, get caught up at work, swim in the lake and catch up with friends. Just small things but anything to bring life into a better balance, I think is success!
Linda, I love that you are always on my side - and I return that to you! Isn't it strange how we can see these relationships for what they are and yet, the MLCer goes after them, anyway. I do not know where the xSO is at but a relationship that began as he was full blown MLC and she was in the middle of her own divorce just cannot be healthy. And although I don't know that she realized (at least at the beginning) that he would have been cheating on me, she must know it by now or be wilfully blind. At the beginning, I know he told her we were just friends and because we were apart, he could sell it. Right now, though, it does not matter, he isn't showing any movement toward me at all.
TVS - I have followed your situation and can't believe how strong you are. 'Fess up - you must have a voodoo doll of your H that you stick with pins to make yourself feel better, no? I have read quite a lot on the Hero's Spouse website and have found it helpful. The only difference in my sitch is that we were not married which allowed him to sell himself to her. But lying is lying and deceit is deceit. And I fully believe that she is using him for her own reasons. Completely academically, I would love to know how long the relationship is going to last.
I also agree with you that there are pros and cons to a vanished MLCer and one living at home. The big con to xSO being away is that I have no idea or gauge as to how he is doing. He could be really happy for all I know. His text three weeks ago did not say that he was, but who knows? Bea, you had such a nut on your hands, I am glad for your sake that he did not live with you. The little men in white coats may have had to intervene and come for you!
Rock, we would all have preferred our relationships stayed together. But, there is always a balance even if it takes time to get there. Even if you are physically together, that does NOT make you a whole family. A family unit, a whole family, is one that loves and supports each other through thick and thin. You can be a whole family without your wife. Because unless she begins to offer you a modicum of respect, you are not whole or healthy. You have to concentrate on making your family - you and your children - the whole family until your W is ready.
Just posted and yes, time for a new thread. So nice to have lots of friends!
I wanted to start one on July 1st (kind of like a new year).
Snodderly, I hope you are enjoying your Sunday, too. Ah weekends, my favourite days of the week!
Nero, you seem a little blue today. That is OK. I can be chirping along and then all of a sudden, I am sad for no reason. The good thing, though, is that those moments come a little less now.
I have heard that saying too: The one who cares less holds the power. I think that is true. But do I really want to care less? In some situations (like this one!), yes in all honesty. But I am trying to act like I hold the power. Knowledge is power, too. And I know that in the end I will be fine and that one day, maybe a long way away, but one day, he will be sorry for the mess he made and the chance of holding on to someone that loved him.
you're rite - they're less frequent. sometimes i'm surprised by them- i'd forgotten - and then , wah wah.
wish i were all even all the time. this not married thing- having had a marriage and a so for 38 yrs - it's the same. there is not one degree less dedication, loyalty, love - nothing different. a little peice of paper and maybe some legal rights are missing.
it is our hearts & lives just like everyone else- oh well huh?
i know i'll survive- i just get impatient to feel really happy and past IT ALL. THT'S ALL- not too big an order is it???? ha!
