Moving forward together from a mess

[cbtdad]

I am just kind of journaling here...

The last week or so has been pretty good. Not great, but nothing major.
A couple of times I have left her moms pretty quickly because I could feel myself getting frustrated and impatient. She noticed it for sure and mentioned it. I told her I left because I don't what to blow up or start an argument. I told her I know this isn't the way to handle it, but that it just gets so frustrating. The biggest difference between now and a year ago is that we communicate so much better.
The MC said that this was going to be tough timing because my heart is fully into it and hers isnt yet. It's been a month and we still haven't even slept in same bed together. Not sex, just sleep. My LL is physical touch so this is rry tough for me.
I almost feel like I need to just give her and time space until she is ready, but I've kind of mentioned that and she doesn't want that either.
She is still on this kick about moving and has said that she would like to move by Aug 1st. I even told her that I thought that was ridiculous considering we can't even sleep in the same be together and she said "well I guess I better get over that"
You think!!!
Today I asked her if she had talked to her attorney recently becuase out six month agreement that we made with court is coming up in a couple weeks. She said she spoke to her a couple weeks ago and told her that we were getting along very well and decided to work on things. But she also said that she told her attorney that we are moving, but that if I decided i didn't want to move how much of an issue would that be with the courts because of our son. She said it so non chalantly. I was like are you kidding me. So if I don't want to move then you don't want to work on our marriage. She said that's not what I meant. I said, then why would you ask your attorney something like that. She said just in case things changed.
She is saying all the right things about peicing. She is saying this is what she wants and that she knows its going to take a lot of work. And she is happy we have such a good MC. BUT her actions don't seem to be in line with that.
I am trying so hard to be patient!!

[cbtdad]

And now to top it off. I just saw her in a picture on facebook all decked looking geourgeous at a bar. I don't care that she is at a bar. Just not telling me she was going out drinking is what is bothering me.
I sent her the following text. "Love the communication. So glad I had to see it on facebook. Have fun"

[MrBond]

"I sent her the following text. "Love the communication. So glad I had to see it on facebook. Have fun""

Bad move. You do understand that it's going to keep pushing her away right?

[cbtdad]

So say nothing? Even though 1 hour before I saw it she was at my apartment saying she wasnt going out, but if she changed her mind she would let me know.
I know I should hve worded it different instead of being sarcastic. Bad habit that I am continuing to work on

[MrBond]

She's a grown adult and does have a right to do what she wants to. You should have waited later and then told her what you knew and that you would have appreciated if she told you she was going out like she said.

Is that a rule with the two of you that she has to tell you when she goes out?

[cbtdad]

Definitely not a rule. But something out MC has stressed about whereabouts in the beginning of this. We are having to rebuild trust and so MC has full transparency is a must right now. MC said to that the only way trust can be restored after this is to be an open book.

[MrBond]

I understand her having to be open, but was her telling you where she was a stated point?

[cbtdad]

I guess not. It's funny you ask that. Because I was thinking earlier today about our next MC appointment and how there are some specific boundaries and things that need to be discussed. I am seeing us wanting to work on things, but not really doing it with a good road map yet if that makes sense

[cbtdad]

Also Bond. What are your thoughts about my long post above. And what are some pitfalls of peicing to watch out for?

[stilllookingup]

just stumbled upon and this caught my eye too

"I sent her the following text. "Love the communication. So glad I had to see it on facebook. Have fun"

really really a bad move. I cringed as soon as I saw this part. I would have shut down so fast if my H said something like that. If I remember correctly, didn't you do something like that earlier in your piecing when your W was out late, you caved and sent a picture that said something about trust is earned? That cringed my face too. Those texts you send are very passive aggressive in my opinion.

Everything she does should be transparent, I get it. But wouldn't posting pictures of her at a bar be considered transparent because you can see where she is and what she's doing? If she's not being transparent, she definitely wouldn't have posted the pictures of her at a bar on FB. I get you were upset she didn't let you know about changing her mind about staying home but I simply don't understand why it even mattered?
If you guys were supposed to skype or something after she gets home and if she went out without telling you I totally get you'd be upset.

I'm a LBS and not a WAS who had an affair. But if I were one and kept getting texts like that from my LBS, I would feel I'm being watched and punished all the time.

Just a thought..