Take it to the limit

[Takevowsserious]

Oh yeah Snodderly - chatting = I'm doing something I know is wrong.

Getting that BIG patience shovel out lol!!!

When I said wish me luck, I meant getting these kids to bed! I heard S5 (who is kind of a character) tell his cousin, "I don't need a light, my eyes are like night vision goggles."

Oh yeah. It's gonna be a long night lol!!!

I hope one day my H does see me, sees who I am. And realizes what he stands to lose.

Thanks for stopping by

[reachingHigher]

I heard S5 (who is kind of a character) tell his cousin, "I don't need a light, my eyes are like night vision goggles."

Hilarious!!!!!

I'm looking to see if I have some extra shovels in the house now

[uRworthy]

I think he more than knows this is wrong.

And as far as admitting there is something wrong with him, well, he has already admitted there is something wrong with him. Not that he's doing anything to fix it. I feel like there is such a complicated web of deceit that has been spun with H and OW. Not only would he have to admit HE was wrong, but he would have to admit that this messed up crazy woman he put on a pedestal and almost threw away everything for really f-ed me over too.

Wow. That's a TALL order.

That is a very tall order. Not an impossible one, though.

As you know, my xh and I have had conversations regarding his affair. While he is still in the tunnel, he has peeked out. And it is then that we have had these talks. He initiates and you know me, I tells it like I sees it. And so, I had asked him about all that. Did he feel guilty at the time? Did he realize something was wrong (and still is - LOL!), did he realize what he was losing? Now we have established that the cuckoo was out of the clock and still is, I happen to think he was being as sincere as he could be.

He said, yes, he knew something was wrong. He didnt know what, just that he felt like he was losing his mind. He felt confused, lost, unhappy. It scared him. But it never occured to him that it was internal. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but, was able to justify it in his head. He felt like life was going by so fast and passing him. I asked, did he really think that ow was the answer? Did he think he was going to ride off into the sunset with her? He said at first he did. He felt better, he thought, because he could put all his energy into the affair and not have to think about what was really wrong. He was running away from himself. And then when he began to realize she was not the answer, he had invested so much time, had made too much of a mess, and was still feeling so lost that he just kept going. I asked how it eventually ended. He said, uR, do you really have to ask that? She was who she was. Still the same person from 30 years ago. Still a mess, still unstable. He said, I just felt there was no turning back. He said after it ended he still felt lost. He still hadnt realized it was him. So, he convinced himself that he had to find out if he could ever be happy. And then he said one of the saddest things. He said he doesnt think he will ever be happy. He doesnt think he is meant to be.

I shared this with you so you can see that your h in such turmoil. And that though he knows it is wrong, he is still in crisis and has to see it through. He has to see that this is not the answer. But in order to do that, he has to be ready to look within as that is the only way to fully begin the climb out. He is moving through this, T. He is. He's not quite there yet.

T, you know if you dont have a big enough shovel, I can get in a car and be there to help you anytime. But, I think you got this.

Checked bank account, and as promised, there was a check from our employer deposited today to cover his vacation expenses.

So glad that he followed through on that, T. Says a lot, really.

Right now, I'm hanging with two little boys watching "Wreck-it-Ralph". Then we're making indoor s'mores then hopefully bed - it's already WAY past their bedtime!

Wish me luck!

Oh boy, you are going to have a loooonnnngggg nite. LOL!

[Raine]

T I see a lot of similarities going on with my H too. The chatty times come both when he is having some clarity (being good, spending time with the kids, dropping ow) and when he is feeling guilty. I think that in both cases it's a testing of the water: is she still there, is she mad at me, does she know.

My H says something is wrong with him too, that he couldn't pin this on me no matter how hard he tried to rationalize it. He still has times of blaming me too though.

My H is definitely dumpster diving. One ow asked him if he would date her once he was through this. He said he didn't know. Ouch huh! I mean he couldn't even lie about that one to her. Of course the insecure ho took it like a trooper and was obligatory towards what he wanted, which was not to talk about dating or his situation.

I have also seen the projecting of me onto them. Taking one of them to my fav midrange restraunt for her bday, a place he doesn't care for that much. First and only time he took one out. I'm sure he was a nervous wreck about being seen.

I don't know if that helps or not.

I'm so glad you gave and received a hug I hope you have an awesome weekend with the family!

[RosaLinda]

Good morning my friend. I'm happy you're bearing up so well, and that I found your new thread. Love that song, and how appropriate, as that's exactly what our spouses have been doing -- taking us to the limit...of our patience! 

Someone mentioned selling patience shovels, maybe Snodderly? Maybe you can talk your boys and their cousins into opening a patience shovel stand, like some kids sell lemonade. They'd make a killing!

That's a good sign that he asked you to trim his hair while stark naked. Like he said once, the human touch! My H did something similar yesterday too, I was brushing my teeth and he came in and urinated right next to me. Just whipped it out! I was flabbergasted, he has become so private and secretive lately that he insists I knock on his door even when it's open. Strange. 

Glad he called you, even if he was suspiciously chatty! Did he mention anything about itching?

TVS you said "he has already admitted there is something wrong with him. Not that he's doing anything to fix it. I feel like there is such a complicated web of deceit that has been spun with H and OW. Not only would he have to admit HE was wrong, but he would have to admit that this messed up crazy woman he put on a pedestal and almost threw away everything for really f-ed me over too." That will be a hard thing for any man to have to face and admit. Maybe you'll never hear those exact words. But you know his mind is moving towards accepting this truth, and these five days with FT will speed things along for him. Hang on dear, you are THE PRIZE -- FT already knows it! 

Raine that's so funny that your H couldn't even reassure his OW that he would date her in the fiture! Like Holly06 said "my H's OW was so awful it gave me confidence!"

rH how are you doing today? Still bearing up? You two must be feeling lots of ups and downs, but mostly at peace with yourselves and the place your Hs are right now. 

I'm so ready for this too: "And for the "and for the next 30 years of their M he adored her and was sorry for his behavior" part!!! "

[reachingHigher]

Hi Tvs,

Hope you got some sleep after the s'mores were eaten and the giggles stopped after the lights went out!!

Thinking of you today my friend. So glad you compared your H's current behavior to last year's, and see how many good changes there are.

This is a tough weekend but you are one tough lady. And they assure us it will all be worth it in the end

Keep that beautiful smile on your face and know we are all here for you.

LindaM, my PMA is high and it's a lovely day waiting to be lived, thanks!!

[Takevowsserious]

Good morning all!

Hi Raine ~ I love when they talk, but it's all about them. Or if I say I'm tired and going to bed, and he just keeps right on talking. He is getting better about that reciprocal communication, asking me questions and showing some interest in what I have to say.

My H has used phrases like "I'm in a funk" and "I'm messed up". So while he's never uttered the words MLC, he knows its something.

Our H's are definitely dumpster diving. Maybe they have to feel better about themselves before they can accept love from fabulous ladies such as ourselves

Hi UW ~ thank you for your insight with your H, the OW, and how things went with their A. At least he's good for something lol!!

I feel like my H, on some level, realizes OW is not the answer. And I worry about him feeling just as your xh did - that he's in too deep, so he just keeps going. I also fear his thinks I won't be able to forgive him, so he'll just keep going. And I constantly wonder... Does he really think I don't know ?!?!?

I do believe he's making his way through though, slowly but surely. Just happens to be tearing up our lives in the process

I should have had you drive here while H is away - you could have helped with the sleepover lol!!! And pick me up when I start boo hooing. And talk me into ice cream to cheer me up. Sounds like a good plan to me!

Thank you for sharing - it helps me more than you know. Each word you write is so very valuable to me

Hey Linda Lou ~ you made me laugh out loud with saying your H "jusy whipped it out"! If memory serves me correctly, they do that sometimes lol!!'

I hope and pray that these days at the beach will be a eye opener for him. But there's always the reality that this trip could rejuvenate their R, bringing them closer, delaying the end of the A.

Not much I can do about it one way or another.

But you are right about one thing, I am the prize! FT knows she really can't compete with me. Her smoke and mirrors tricks are starting to show, along with her desperation.

Hey rH ~ I am glad to hear that your PMA is high today!

I think we are both pretty tough ladies, weathering a storm that continually beats upon us emotionally.

It WILL be worth it in the end, rH. I know it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not much sleep at the sleepover last night lol! At 11:00, I took away their flashlights. At 11:45, I could still hear them talking. I stood at the door and heard S5 say to his cousin, "Do you want to be a tiger shark?" I thought to myself - I am shutting this down! I went in and threatened to sleep in between them. S5 was horrified, and promised they would go to sleep. It was quiet in there after that

Tired today, which I know can be a trigger for me to feel down. Kids still up early. At swim lessons with boys now. Not sure what plans are for later today (besides naps!) We have nieces birthday party tomorrow. More stuff H is missing.

It will be interesting to see how he feels by the end of his little trip. I always think day one of a vacation is much different than the last day. At some point, no matter how great the vacation, home is missed. Will that be true for H?

Will check in later - have a great day everyone

[uRworthy]

Hi UW ~ thank you for your insight with your H, the OW, and how things went with their A. At least he's good for something lol!!

Haha, true dat!

I feel like my H, on some level, realizes OW is not the answer. And I worry about him feeling just as your xh did - that he's in too deep, so he just keeps going. I also fear his thinks I won't be able to forgive him, so he'll just keep going. And I constantly wonder... Does he really think I don't know ?!?!?

Ok, you are - say it with me now - getting ahead of yourself. Stop it girl! LOL!

I believe that they can only go so far with the ow, T. They know that it is not helping and they just have to get to a place where they end it. When my xh said he kept going, he also said that he knew it was going to end. He wasnt ready for that until he was. He knows you know on some level, T, but pushes it down iin his mind. Too much for him to handle.

I should have had you drive here while H is away - you could have helped with the sleepover lol!!! And pick me up when I start boo hooing. And talk me into ice cream to cheer me up. Sounds like a good plan to me!

I would have loved to have come. T, it really is on my bucket list that we meet. I know we will one day. And yea, ice cream is a given.

I hope and pray that these days at the beach will be a eye opener for him. But there's always the reality that this trip could rejuvenate their R, bringing them closer, delaying the end of the A.

Um, T, you do know what I am going to say here, right? . How could it rejuvenate their R, T. I mean really? She being her, him scratching on a beach in an MLC. Come on, T, this is a recipe for disaster.

Not much I can do about it one way or another.

Yep, so it's best to keep the getting ahead of yourself stuff on hold.

I think we are both pretty tough ladies, weathering a storm that continually beats upon us emotionally.

Yes, you both are, of that there is no doubt.

It WILL be worth it in the end, rH. I know it

I most certainly will be. No doubt about that either.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It will be interesting to see how he feels by the end of his little trip. I always think day one of a vacation is much different than the last day. At some point, no matter how great the vacation, home is missed. Will that be true for H?

Of course it will be, T. I know this is difficult, try really hard not to let yourself go down the negative thinking road. It doesnt serve you well and doesnt accomplish anything.

Enjoy your day with everyone. Leave him to his journey. Trust me, this trip is not going at all how you are thinking it is.

[uRworthy]

Hey Linda, the shovel idea was mine. Just telling you that in case it takes off, though I would share the wealth with all my friends here. LOL!

[RosaLinda]

It's a great idea uR, quite lucrative I betcha! Ate you feeling any better today?

I was thinking about what you said T, wondering if your H thinks you really don't know about FT -- it makes me wonder if my H being so open about him and RT being "in love" is a bad sign? He his his first EA, wouldn't admit it for months even after I printed out their smutty emails and presented them to him.

TVS just think how purty FT probably looks in spandex with a sunburn Have fun with your family today.