I'm having another low moment again I just don't what my M to end I have been reading the DB book and there are many situation in the book that describes what has happened in my M. I would like to share these things with my H; I know I can't do this right now or I may never have the chance too. Its so hard not to share things with him, I've been trying to keep myself bessy and a bit away from home so that I don't sit there and think about our R. I'm still figuring out my life and how I'm going to live on my own with my sons if we end up getting a D.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
I'm having another low moment again I just don't what my M to end I have been reading the DB book and there are many situation in the book that describes what has happened in my M. I would like to share these things with my H; I know I can't do this right now or I may never have the chance too. Its so hard not to share things with him, I've been trying to keep myself bessy and a bit away from home so that I don't sit there and think about our R. I'm still figuring out my life and how I'm going to live on my own with my sons if we end up getting a D.
I feel this way as well about my upcoming D, I'm just not ready emotionally for it. If you believe in God, then ask him to touch your H's heart. I also rang up a prayerline who said a prayer for us all. The following day, my H called round to say he'd delayed the D for a month so I can finish my college course. It is now coming up to that time again when he is going to see the solicitor. You don't have to sign the divorce papers you know, tell your solicitor that you are not emotionally ready for a D and s/he will be able to delay it. You can delay it for up to 2 years and in some cases up to 5 years. Is there anything that your H said that you could work on? With my H I was too messy so I'm going to start cleaning and tidying the house from top to bottom. A huge task in itself especially as I've got other things to do at the moment. Start doing more things with your sons helps as well, maybe have dinner together if you don't already, get out a games console and have a dance, get out a board game and play that. Your sons will start to get closer to you by doing this and may not enjoy going to their dads as much. You're right when you say there's not much you can say to your H at this moment, it'll just get his back up. Letting him get in touch with you is also a good idea as he may start to miss you. Also be kind and loving when he is round, not hugging or kissing or stuff, but simple gestures like making him a hot drink. Don't get mad at him, just talk friendly all the time and sympathise with any complaints he has. Don't give him further cause to divorce you. The way I see it, the nicer you are, the more likely he'll reconsider getting a divorce. As the saying goes, you can't shoot someone who hasn't got a gun
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thank you I didn't know I can delay the D that long when I go see the lawyer next weekall ask about that. No my H didn't tell me anything about what I can work on he just said that our love life is gone and we haven't communicated with each other for a long time. And anyway he already had moved on with The OW but he stills come home after spending all day and night with her.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
What? He's still living at home and with an OW? No wonder you're depressed, you poor thing I know it's hard, but he really needs to find his own place or move in with the OW. If this is not possible to do, then you will have to do a 180 like never before! Playing with your sons when he gets home, Don't be available for him make sure that you're in your bedroom doing stuff and don't greet him at the door, let him get his own supper, don't follow him around the place or share any time with him. You need to distance yourself from him asap, if you don't your health will suffer. Trust me, this is the best way to get your H back. If you can show your H that you can be a better woman than this OW, then he will probably come back to you. It's only a temporary blip, believe me the grass is not greener on the other side. At the moment he's only seeing the good side of her, he doesn't see her first thing in the morning without her makeup on or her hair all over the place, he doesn't see her house a mess, etc. Believe me when I tell you this, it's a lot easier to get them back when they're with an OW as he will soon get fed up with her The things I've been 180ing so far are always looking my best clothes wise, making sure the house is clean and tidy (a work in progress!), apending more time with my son, spending more time with my friends, going out more and having my friends over more. Hope this helps Keep your chin up and if ever you feel the need to talk then I'm here most days BTW, are you in the US? If you are the laws may be different over there when it comes to D, having a word with your lawyer is a good idea
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thank you I really needed this I'm taking baby steps to letting him go; its still hard but I have to do it. I'm so tired of crying I so wish I could just stop. It will be a good night my two boys and I are going to our small town festival tonight and watch the fireworks. I'm looking forward to spending the evening with them. I just got an offer to switch to another dept at my work place I may just take up the offer it will be a lot better for me its going to be all morning shifts Monday to friday no evenings and no weekends. The only problem is when they start school I don't know what I'm going to do about them getting on the school bus. Maybe I could see if H would get our boys ready for school. That is only if he is still around. My 13 year old will be OK to get himself ready its just my 8 yr old is the one that I will worry about.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
Thank you I really needed this I'm taking baby steps to letting him go; its still hard but I have to do it. I'm so tired of crying I so wish I could just stop. It will be a good night my two boys and I are going to our small town festival tonight and watch the fireworks. I'm looking forward to spending the evening with them. I just got an offer to switch to another dept at my work place I may just take up the offer it will be a lot better for me its going to be all morning shifts Monday to friday no evenings and no weekends. The only problem is when they start school I don't know what I'm going to do about them getting on the school bus. Maybe I could see if H would get our boys ready for school. That is only if he is still around. My 13 year old will be OK to get himself ready its just my 8 yr old is the one that I will worry about.
That's great news about your job and I would take them up on it Over here we have breakfast clubs where you can take your kids into school early and after school clubs. Maybe it's worth investigating or do you have a friend nearby that could help you with this? Your H should be able to help as well, my H still helps out with my son when I need him to. Can your 13 year old help with your 8 year old? Have you got summer holidays at the mo? Maybe you can start getting your 13 year old to take more responsibility for your 8 year old? My motto is do what you need to do and the rest will fall into place You can problem solve this later Have fun at the festival tonight
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Thank you yes my 13 year old has been a really big up for me lately with his brother. The only thing is my 13 year old goes on the school bus before my 8 year old. I so wish it was The other way around then I wouldn't need to have H help getting them ready for school. I will have to wait to see if I get this new position then after if I get it in will inform the H about it then ho from there. I hope I get it then I maybe able to get a another job to make sure I will have what I will need to support myself and my boys.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
That's good to hear So the only worry is getting your son onto the bus in the morning? Does your H normally start work after this and is he able to do this? Even of your H is not there for you, he should be there still for his boys
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
He works 2nd shift from 4pm to midnight so he will be able to get my 8 year old on The bus. I still don't know where we will be in our situation in a couple of monthes. But I will worry about that when The time comes. Thank you trying to do 180. I'm glad that I'm able to talk to someone that is going thru The same thing as I am. Today was a good day I had pretended that H did not exist and he text me earlier today and he also called and if course I kept both things very short. This is my first day of doing this and I'll try my hardest to keep up with this new step.
M:42 H:37 M:14yrs S:13; S:9 Found out PA:8/2012 2nd PA & still w/OW:4/2013 H asked for D:6/2013 H moved out: 8/2013 H & OW moved in together: 8/2013
That's a good step forward for you worrying about it when the time comes It will all fall into place, it usually does It does get easier to pretend he doesn't exist. I still think about ringing him and texting him, but then I remember about 180ing him and if I don't need to speak to him then I don't! The way I look at it is that if he wants some space, I'll give him some space. Doing a 180 does seem to be beneficial. I'm seeing small changes, but I'm not banking on any changes at the moment. They are only small changes and he might be doing it just to stay friendly with me and not to R. Baby steps is very important and you can't rush anything! The one thing that's holding me back is this GAL. I'm stuck in the house most of the time, but then I thought I could invite my friends round here instead of going out. I plan to have a pamper evening and a swishing/clothes swapping evening. Keep up with the PMA and I'll speak to you soon
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
