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Joined: Jun 2013
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JaxFL14 Offline OP
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MrBond,
You are one of the ones with a success story right? I believe that is what I have read in another thread.


M:33
W:32
Married:8
Together:10
S:5,4 and 8 months
BD: 4/1/13
W move out day: 5/4/13
ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Depends on what you mean by "success". I got my M back, but I'm still constantly learning. DB is a never-ending process.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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JaxFL14 Offline OP
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I would def call that a success but understand the still learning. I pray Im able to say that eventually. How long did your M take to turn around? I'm still in the very beginning and still trying to learn how to detach and follow the BD techniques.


M:33
W:32
Married:8
Together:10
S:5,4 and 8 months
BD: 4/1/13
W move out day: 5/4/13
ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Posts: 12,602
Over 5 years.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 87
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Posts: 87
I agree that a marriage is a constant work in progress.


M-38;H38
M15
D13 & D7
BD 3/2012


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JaxFL14 Offline OP
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Well I felt like a finally got to show my W that I have changed a bit today. A big problem she had was my family that lives near us. Always wanting us to come over for any party, get together, on and on. Even though I had done a good job of changing that over the last two years cause I knew she didn't like it. Well today was my nieces 1st birthday party. Well I had committed to going boating with my best friend, his wife, daughter and my 3 boys. Much to the dismay of my family. Well my W asked me today why I wasn't at the party cause she had seen a pic I posted of the boys and I on the boat. I simply said because I wanted to go boating instead. She said "gasp, James!!!, you rebal. Who even are you?"
I said, someone who does what he wants too, not what others what him to do. And left it at that. She didn't respond but I think it def struck her as different. It at least made me feel good about it.


M:33
W:32
Married:8
Together:10
S:5,4 and 8 months
BD: 4/1/13
W move out day: 5/4/13
ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 89
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JaxFL14 Offline OP
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Well as of today my dinner (date) is still on for Friday with my W. I know it's a good thing but I have that overwhelming feeling that she is only doing it because she truly believes we can be friends for the rest of our lives. But I'm thinking I can't look too much into it. Take it for what it is, a chance to be around her and be happy.
A mutual friend of ours had dinner with her the other night and she told me that she said she's not even thinking about actual divorce right now. Also that her friend had to talk her off a ledge the other night cause she was so sad about how sad her life is. I'd think that's a good thing for me?? Not sure.
But for right now ill stick to hoping the dinner stays on. I'm a little nervous. Besides talking about our kids and I can ask how her salon is going I'm kinda at a loss for what to talk about. I know to keep it light and not about our relationship. Any thoughts here?


M:33
W:32
Married:8
Together:10
S:5,4 and 8 months
BD: 4/1/13
W move out day: 5/4/13
ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 89
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JaxFL14 Offline OP
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Another note. Today I met my wife at our 9 month old checkup at the doctors. While waiting in the room she asked me what my family thought about me missing my nieces 1st birthday party last week. Which as I said in the earlier post was not like me and my family was a bit upset by it. So that tells me that even 4 days later she is still thinking about me missing that which I know she feels is out of character for me and a change in personality. A good positive for the day. Take care everyone.


M:33
W:32
Married:8
Together:10
S:5,4 and 8 months
BD: 4/1/13
W move out day: 5/4/13
ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 89
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JaxFL14 Offline OP
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So I have been on a week beach vacation with my family and kids and whe here I guess you could say I had a moment of back sliding and texted my W and asked her if she was still planning on a D or was this more of a "give it time and see how you feel" kinda thing? I asked cause its been about 3 months since BD and I couldn't help but see where she was. She said " I don't know". Well to me that is a huge improvement unless she is lying. And I know "believe nothing of what she says and half of what she does" so I take it with a grain of salt but can't help think that is a move to the positive side.


M:33
W:32
Married:8
Together:10
S:5,4 and 8 months
BD: 4/1/13
W move out day: 5/4/13
ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 162
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Originally Posted By: JaxFL14
Hello, this is my first post and I have completed 3 telephone sessions with Chuck. My wife told me on April 1st that she thinks she wants a divorce. Said she loves me but not in love anymore, said that I'm am awesome, that she could never find anyone better and she's prob making a huge mistake but she just wants to be alone. Says that she doesnt feel we have the passion or spark that a married couple should. To which I say, 3 kids under 6 and always been poor which is stressful. Doesn't believe that marriage has to last forever and that she will never be remarried again. We hardly ever fought, no nagging, got along great, parent great together with our S:5, S:4, and S: 8 months. She has been taking anti depressants since our 5 year old was born and said these feeling started when she got pregnant with our youngest son and never went away. She realizes everyone thinks its her depression but she says no and I myself think she's not acting depressed. She has been moved out for about 1.5 months now and she rented a house. I'm a fire fighter on a 48 hrs on and 72 hours off schedule and I have the boys everyday that I'm not at work. She owns her own salon. She said she felt trapped in marriage and doesn't want to be held accountable to anyone. She says there is no one else, and won't be anyone. And I believe her cause I've checked. I just had to know the truth. She thinks we are still a family but we just aren't together, even wants to still go on our vacation to her parents in MD in August together as planned. To which I say ?????????. I truly hope after some time on her own she realizes she wants this family together but I have to be realistic also. We have been together 10 years and married 7.5. I do not call her, text her or talk to her about us. Only about the kids. Don't send her cards or flowers or say I love you. She not willing to try marriage counseling at this time but said we will see how it goes. I'm doing everything I can to follow chucks advice on how to treat a walk away spouse. It's just so hard be patient. I want my family back together. Any advice or support would be appreciated greatly. I have not heard anyone with this same story to the point where she says I'm awesome and never tells anyone I did anything wrong, she just wants to live alone. Said she a diff person. Went from a Christian republican 7 years ago to an agnostic democrat now. That's def a change I'd say.

Me:33
W:32
S:5
S:4
S:8 months
M:7.5
Together 10


This sounds very familiar. My husband says it's all him, I'm the perfect wife, who wouldn't want to be married to me, he's still attracted to me, loves me, etc...

He just doesn't want to be married.

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