My mother is dying. XW wants to be my friend.

[25yearsmlc]

Please get your mom to read the materials KML is suggesting. If you knew my H, who is an MD with a military background, you could tell your mom this is NOT some "pro pot" group. It's real science.

And it's making a difference. Some of the protocols only have 50-60 patients in them, what with all the federal regulations and hurdles they have to overcome. But they do and the results are impressive. She does not have to "smoke" it either. And even if she does not qualify for the program, I'm sure there are other ways to research what forms to take to benefit.

I hope your sons make up with their mom some day. And I hope you encourage it. Now that's it over and she's remarried, I also hope you can finally just let go and move forward.

Sending prayers your mom's way. Don't let her give up IF the only treatment she has tried is chemo. A LOT of folks give up on chemo b/c it makes them feel like crap and often promises too little in return.

But there are other modalities out there. Heed KML's comments...PLease for your mother's sake.

And btw, unless it's diapers she does not want you to change, imho, I'd sure double check on what she wants after chemo.

If I knew I was terminally ill, I'd not want to burden my kids but I'd hope they would overcome that resistance, to spend time with me. IN truth, time with them would be my biggest desire.

Please go to your mom, even when she's not well. Make sure you are clear with her that you can handle it.

My dad's death was about 57 days from diagnosis. I'm glad for every day I spent with him.

And so was he. Good luck!

[tadpole1025]

Thanks 25 and KML. I too wish that she would try the treatments that you have suggested. I know that I sure would if it were me. I personally believe that she just wants nature to take it's course. She is in a lot of pain, but they have her on a morphine patch that is helping a little.

I know that this sounds selfish, but I've been thinking (or realizing) a lot lately that there is a good possibility that with the exception of my boys, there is a good chance that I may be spending my golden years alone. It is a little scary to think about.

I have a date with a lady this afternoon that I've seen a few times. I'm not sure how far I will take it though. I think she is moving too fast and she already wants me to meet her parents. I guess the problem is that I really feel nothing. Maybe I am expecting too much? I just don't know. I've been on dates with several ladies and it is the same with all of them.....nothing. She's already mentioned sex and maybe this is old fashioned, but I just can't really picture myself doing that with someone that I don't care about. Is that silly???

Anyways, up until last night, my anxiety attacks seem to have calmed down a bit. Last night's was bad, but they seem to be less frequent.

Hope everyone is well.

Tad

[AJM]

Less frequent is good. It has to start somewhere right?

Not wanting to have sex with somebody you feel nothing about is silly??? No, it's counter to what everyone says about men in our culture. What it says about women in our culture and what it says about the idea of casual sex. But we're not really wired that way. Most people I know don't enjoy casual sex. In fact, many seem to use it as a way to get beyond the attraction and gain a relationship (that rarely works from what I've seen). I think sex without that connection is backwards from how we're made - sex should come after the relationship as an added bonus

So don't beat yourself up about that.

And you seem to be telling the future these days. Very nice to hear you're a fortune teller now and have a new income stream

Rethink the stuff around your mom. I think it's a great idea. I lost my mom to cancer years ago Tad. We had a great relationship and I'm glad for it. I think she was too.


AJ

[job]

Tad,
I'm sorry to hear that your mother is in pain, but I'm glad she's on a morphine patch. It's not easy for her these days and you and your sons should try to visit or call her and check on her. You may not realize it, but when you contact her, it lifts her spirits a bit and right now, that's what she needs. She needs to know that her family is there for her.

Tad, there is absolutely no way of knowing what the future holds for you, unless you are planning to become a monk or priest and that would mean no marriage in the deal. The future is yet to unfold for you and right now, you should be living in the present. Allow God to have time to work on you and help you find some inner peace. Okay?

As for your lady friend, sounds like she's rushing it a bit. Tad, man up and tell her how you feel about having casual sex w/her. As for meeting her parents...how is this lady? I would think of meeting someone's parents unless the relationship was getting serious. Seriously, if you don't feel anything right now, be honest and tell her that you enjoy her company, but you are not ready to take the next step and it may be quite a while before that happens.

Tad, take time to visit w/your mother or call her today. She needs you now more than ever. As for your lady friend, if she's truly in to you, she'll understand and be patient.

[tadpole1025]

Less frequent is good. It has to start somewhere right?

Yeah, I guess so.

And you seem to be telling the future these days. Very nice to hear you're a fortune teller now and have a new income stream.

Yeah, I know. I may meet someone down the road but who knows......

Tad, there is absolutely no way of knowing what the future holds for you, unless you are planning to become a monk or priest and that would mean no marriage in the deal.

Hahahaha. I've actually thought about this.....seriously.

Seriously, if you don't feel anything right now, be honest and tell her that you enjoy her company, but you are not ready to take the next step and it may be quite a while before that happens.

I did. I actually broke it off with her. I just couldn't feel anything. It has been like that with all of them. It is like I am almost numb. Kind of hard to explain. I've also noticed that all of the women that I meet seem to want to rush things and they all seem so clingy. Weird.....

Went to see mom yesterday. She looks absolutely terrible. I wouldn't be surprised if she is gone by the end of the year. She will find out next week if the chemo is working.

I mentioned Cannabis to her again and I think she is considering it. Question is: how does she get it? Does she have to mention it to her doctor?

S18 is with XW until Saturday. OM is out of town until Saturday and I'm guessing that is why. We have all noticed that it seems like she can't be alone.

Tad

[kml]

Here in California, she would get it at a medical marijuana dispensary, after her doctor fills out a form documenting that she has a medical condition for which marijuana is appropriate. They have the cannabis oil. I don't know what the laws are in your state.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks KML. We have dispensaries here as well. I will look into it.

UPDATES:

Mom - The doctor says that her tumor is actually shrinking. We will find out more on Tuesday.

Sitch - XW seems to be trying really hard to connect with our sons and S20's GF. We've noticed it just since her wedding last month.

Me - I still long for the day when I no longer give a sh!t. I can't wait until I can finally say "I made it" or "It's finally over." Not sure if I'll ever get there. I am getting better, but still have bouts of sadness, anxiety, hurt, anger and sometimes even hatred and disgust. Is that normal???

Tad

[MrBond]

Yes it's perfectly normal.

You will only heal as fast as you allow yourself to. Your XW married someone else and it will always have some pain attached to it. But rather than thinking what you don't have, think and appreciate the things that you do. Eventually with time and reflection, that pain will reduce to a dull ache.

[Delboy]

MrBond's quote: 'But rather than thinking what you don't have, think and appreciate the things that you do'.

Hi Tad, an alternative to the above quote is:

'COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS'

Love
Delboy

[tadpole1025]

Thanks all.

Just wanted to give a quick update on things.

Mom seems to be in good spirits. The news we found out last week has encouraged her to continue the Chemo.

XW is mad at me. I received two more child support payments than I should have. Of course, this is my fault. Not hers or the courts.....mine.

I saw her from a distance a few days ago and I must say that she is even starting to LOOK nuts. I realized though that I am not as attracted to her as I was. It's weird in a way. She's always been just beautiful.....kind of a mix between Sandra Bullock and Wynona Rider. I really don't see it anymore. Like I said, she is even starting to LOOK different.

S27 and S18 have both told me that she still asks a lot of questions about me and my family. She only does this though when OM is not around.

I am doing better. The fact that I realized that I am not attracted to her helps a lot. Hopefully, someday, I will no longer love her. (I never thought that I would say that.)

I haven't been posting much on here lately, but have been lurking and reading the posts from some of the newbies. I wish I could take their pain away. I wouldn't wish the pain that this mess has caused on anybody. But.....it does better eventually....

I am missing some of the old-timers that used to post here. Perhaps it is a good thing that they have moved on.

Has anyone heard how Seeking Answers is doing?

Peace.

Tad