Thank You Laurie and DB Writer for responding...I haven't been posting for little while, but catching up on how Odga30120 is doing is so awesome. That's were I want to be...there are so many positives, so many..just the fact that C is initiating contact is such a huge step. Odga, you've definately to the "good feelings" C has for you. Now that's the Key! Time, Space and Patience will bring it together! Stay Positive!
As for my SIT, I continue to make strides for myself in letting go, forgiving her, in order to be her friend. 3 weeks ago, I visited her after going dark for 'bout 2 weeks. Unfortunately, I had over stayed my welcome..I asked about counseling, she said fine I'll go..but she was angry and asked me to leave. I knew then..I didn't use my head..I got anxious.
When I got back to the APT., I called..asked her if she could sense how frustrated I was in where things were at..she said no. I was surprised, but it was a positive that I was keeping my emotions in check during my visit(s).
Anyway, I asked if she was confused, she said yes. I should have left it alone, but I pressed and said..well if there's a OM I couldn't agree to a separation. She responded with "well then I guess it's over"..but then immediately there after she said, we shouldn't even be talking about this we're both emotional. So I agreed and hung up abrubtly.
I was upset, numb...I let it go and started breathing.
I called later in the week, apologized for how the conversation went..sorry it ended on a sour note. She said that was okay. I ended the conversation...kept it upbeat and pleasant.
Made it though the Valentine'sDay Weekend, and Lincoln's B.D....barely, but did. Didn't call, didn't send flowers..nothing.
I did call Tuesday, kept it short and sweet again..agreed that I should stop by the house on the weekend to see my Step-Son and pick up the mail. Only this time, I only stayed no longer than 20 minutes..stayed upbeat and pleasant...when I left she actually let me give her a hug...nothing to get excited 'bout. But evidence she still cares...that was good enough for me.
I called her back later, asked if it was time for us to talk...she said yes. So we agreed to meet for dinner one day this week. When I arrived in the office on Monday there was an email waiting for me from W. She asked about a Magazine Subscription (wanted to know if I paid it) and that she wanted to meet Wednesday night.
I called her, talked about the subscription and said sure Wednesday would be good! Of course, you must know that I got anxious..and I had to breath again....and go talk to my fellow DBer at Work (my Life Line and guidance counselor) I'm so Lucky!
We'll We had Dinner, long-story-short she says she wants a divorce (sigh). However, I expected that...and I also had a goal in mind and that was for us have a nice time together...guess what we Did! We really did! When she arrived, she ordered a Corona, while I was sipping on my Margarita..having chips and salsa (Chevy's). Anyway..got the small talk out of the way, but I remained upbeat, pleasant...agreed with everything..gave her no where to go in order to support her negative feelings.
When she said she wanted a divorce, I agreed instantly..said we should we're just too different. Surprisingly she responded "well there are lots of prospects out there" I agreed again. I know why she said that..because she know that I started moving on without her, letting go, taking on a "giving up attitude" so that I can truly approach this from being a friend perspective instead of being a demanding husband who wants his way, his way, his way. Which is so different from what she wants right now and thus avoiding a clash of wills. This is what has begun to allow her to feel good feelings about me bring her towards me.
After she said she wanted a divorce, this after I asked her if she had enough time to think about it and she said yes, then I asked her what she recommended next. She said contact Darrell(my attorney), I said okay, I had already done that and my appt. is Tuesday...she was very suprised! I said yes..I made the appt. when you said it was over 3 weeks ago..again, showing her that I'm letting go, moving on...agreeing with her. Good Stuff! I said I'll go and get a summary of what the numbers and obligations would be (by law - no compromises) she said if she didn't like what she saw then she was going to get her own attorney...I said Okay (Agreed again). However, I asked if we waited for the summary we could then look and work on negotiating from there.
In my mind I just want her to know that there's the stuff Lawyers will go after to protect me so that she could gain an appreciation when we negotiate. Again, I feel then that negotiating will put me in a positive light. She then told me she didn't know if she wanted the house, but I said I'd be willing to sign it over to her..no problem...I told her I don't need much...I could start over.
Trying to take the pressure off, and not appearing to be needy, desparate...demanding my own way. The time we spent talking about the business stuff only lasted about 15 minutes..the remaining hour was talking about everything else and definately no R talk! Yahoo! I did it!
When left the resturaunt, we went our separate ways..I gave her no hugh..just a friendly rub on the shoulder. She asked me to call her when I found out something...I said sure ..no problem. The whole time I'm really feeling good about our interaction. Believe it or not, that was our first going out to Dinner, in 2.5 months! So even though it was to talk about Divorce, I feel it was a step forward.
I called her in the morning, it was brief, but one our large pine trees was up rooted and fell over knocking down part of our fence and sitting on our gazebo. I told her that I'd stop by the house after work to check it out and she said okay.
My intention was to get there and gone before she arrived home, but that didn't happen, when she saw my truck in the driveway...she decided to drive by instead of stopping. I saw her, don't know if she saw me...I was hurt as I was leaving and wondering why she just didn't stop and say Hi...this part I don't undestand. But a fellow DB'er told me that her emotions are still all over the place...
