Now 2+ yrs time to get off this limbo

[newman7977]

Wow. I don't think she expected that from me. I left the room with her confused and stunned look on her face. I think it really helped tremendously that I'm really ok with this.

Anyway, I got home and told her I read her letter and that if she would like to talk about it. She said yes.

Me: W I understand you feel you want to end this M, I understand your feelings are gone and that you don't love me. I understand you are seeking for your happiness. I have no control over these feelings and they are yours. You are responsible. And if your decision is to end this that's your decision even though I have a different decision. (I was very calm and really dug deep to get my confidence throughout the Convo)

W: well I just want the best for the kids and I. I can not get those feelings back no matter how much I try.

Me: I know I can't force you in our M. Like I said you are free to make your choice. I'm here and ready to rebuild our M, but you have to be in it 100% and I won't take less. You can not cheat and talk to OM, no matter how you say that's not cheating he influenced your feelings. You can't sugarcoat this cheating. You disregarded how I would feel, you disregarded how your family would feel from that decision and it is unacceptable to me.

Me: your decision is to end this and I understand. But I disagree about refinancing the house. I can't afford this house.

W: you can refinance and go 30yrs (we only have 10yrs left in the house) the mortgage will go down.

M: that's uncertainty and I don't feel that's secure. Here's what we will do, we sell the house split the equity in half you spend your half and let me worry about my share.

W: what about the kids they will be devastated?

M: they will be hurt no matter what. Plus the "nesting" custody is no good from what I read. It's better the kids have what they can call this is mmommys house and this is daddy's house. Look there is no sense to have that is ours, there is no more "us". We can call our realtor and start putting the house in market. We will have money then you can file for D.

W: we don't need a lot of money for d.

Me: yeah you do, those papers to file, the appearance in court and possible L fee.

W: we don't need L.

Me: we need to divide our assets, everything we need to do it correctly.

W: I looked there are workshops that can help us.

Me: well you worry about what you would do on your end and I will worry about mine.

Then I changed clothes and went about my business. Left her with a puzzled look on her face. The look of " is this the right decision?"

I wonder if this is the beginning of closure that people talk about? I really felt ok and now I know where is this going. I keep remembering what MWD said there is life after D.

Thanks DB for preparing me to expect the worse and reconnecting me to my confidence.

Newman