This has been a quiet week and for that I'm really grateful. Overall we're fighting much less, which allows us to spend time together without it feeling tense.
Both P and I are in IC (with different therapists). While my IC is very solution-oriented, hers is different than mine. It seems like her therapist is trying to teach P how to articulate her feelings, how to not be so hard on herself, and how to take care of herself.
P always says she has a lot of anxiety about her career, about moving out, etc. I think she feels a lot of pressure to be further along in her career, so I have been trying extra hard to make sure she doesn't feel pressure from me in other aspects of her life.
In the beginning, my P and I saw my therapist for couples therapy. Since she's very solution-oriented and my P expressed her desire to move out and learn how to be independent, my therapist focused on how to make that happen. My P's therapist seems to focus on being okay with living in limbo, suggesting this might be where she's meant to be.
Likewise, her therapist suggested that maybe there's a reason why she's still living with me and maybe this is exactly where she needs to be right now. She asked P if there were any positives about us still living together and she responded that we enjoy each other's company, that she feels like she can really be herself around me, and that I really know her. She told P that that's a gift and very special.
I asked P, "aren't you always yourself around me?" She replied yes, but that recently she feels like she can show me more of herself, parts that she doesn't show anyone. That actually felt nice.
Since her session earlier this week, she's been noticeably more affectionate toward me. Not just physically, but verbally too. She's more talkative and less closed off, she hugs me more (and has even asked for hugs), and finds way to casually touch me if we're in the same vicinity. Not something as obvious as holding hands, but sometimes small stuff like slipping her foot under my leg if we're watching television together. Maybe it's nothing, I don't know.
The other night she cooked me a special dinner (she rarely cooks) and asked me a million times after if I liked the food. In the past, she might have asked once about the food (if, at all) but on that night she wanted to know what I thought about each dish, so I made sure to show my appreciation (since she used to complain I didn't do that enough before).
Things I did for myself this week: applied for more freelance work, researched grad schools in the area, went to see a play my friend was in, played music (I even recorded a video of me playing a song for my mom and sent it to her, which made her happy).
I have decided that regardless if my P remains stuck in the same place (professionally, emotionally, etc.), I would continue to work on myself and set myself up for whatever happens next. Just need to remind myself to keep working hard!
