How to make it work again?

[scaredsilly]

Wow, it's been on hell of a ride. I've been there and back. I'll try to make this shorter than a novel.
My H and I got back together last December. We were doing wonderfully, or so I thought. We only had issues with his adult children and our joint finances being used to help support them. We had stopped supporting his daughter when she graduated from college in December and as far as I was concerned, I was done. This money flow to them was over for me. In fact, I had put it on my list to him as a boundary I was not willing to give up. His kids and I have very little to do with each other and there are many more people I love whom I'd rather give money to if I were so inclined.
Anyway, we got back into town in April and had an disagreement about some money I will be getting as inheritance from my mom. It's not a lot but I want to give it to my son. Keep in mind that my H stipulated in our prenup that any inheritance coming to him from his mother would not be marital property (as the laws usually state).

This did not sit well with H. I later found out that he thought that since I was unwilling to give his adult children anymore money, my inheritance should be ours. This was on Monday. On Friday morning, he AGAIN dropped the bomb that we should not stay together (divorce). I was dumbfounded.

We talked for a while but I would not agree to give his kids our money unless it was a loan. I did not know he was upset about the inheritance at that time.
He went to work and I called my DIL and told her, "He wants a divorce again!"

She, too, was astonished. We had been having such good times together.

Well, now it gets terrible. A few hours later, DIL calls me and tells me that my 17 year old grandson had seen H at an outdoor event, on the beach, on Tuesday night, dancing with another woman whom he left with. H was supposed to be working in another town, about 50 miles away, going over on Tuesday morning and returning Wednesday afternoon.

I immediately called him at work (this was Friday) and told him what I knew: that he had been in town, dancing with a woman, and asked my grandson not to tell his mother or grandmother (me) and that he and I had been "having problems" and he was just dancing with his boss's wife. I ask him whom he was dancing with and he said the same thing. Then he said he was coming home. It was three hours before he usually gets off.

So, I called his boss's wife since she's a brunette and my grandson said H was dancing with a blonde. Of course, she did not dance with H.

During the next three to four weeks, the biggest lies I've ever heard were told to me. I was in hell. I knew he was lying. Every time I proved he lied, he replaced that lie with a new one. He kept saying he wanted a marriage counselor to help him tell the truth. I asked him to move out and he went back to his mother's.

I've never hated anyone so much in my life.

Finally, the day of our appointment with the marriage counselor, he agreed to come clean with the truth, prior to our visit. He finally admitted that his high school sweetheart, who had been living in Texas, and whom he had never been able to convince to have sex with him over 30 years ago, had moved back to our town. Her husband had died of a heart attack at 49. She moved back and called H at his office while we were separated in march of last year. They had had lunch together, gone on a boat ride with her two kids (in OUR friggin' boat) over the 4th of July, and he had sex with her when her kids went back to Texas to visit their grandparents the last two weeks of July. He swears it was only once and that the next time he saw her ( two days later) they both stated that it gas been a mistake and that was the last time he saw her...until the beach dance.

He states he went to the dance with his boss and the wife ( she confirms) and saw the b**** there and decided that since we had such major differences about the monies, he would just move forward and this would help make the break from me.
He left with her and spent the night at her house. He says he slept on the couch. He says that her three kids were there ( they were) and she would never do anything while they were home. He also states that the sexual incident was so catastrophic that he never wanted sex with her again.

I never thought I would stay with him after infidelity. In fact, I've always told him it would be a deal breaker. But, we are still together. We are still going to counseling. He has done a drastic 180. When I told him I was through, it's as if he fell back in love with me again. He tells me everywhere he goes. He let me put a GPS tracker on his phone. Whenever I'm sad or angry, he comforts me and apologizes for hurting me. He's more attentive of my needs than he's ever been in our entire marriage. He sent the b**** (sorry, I hate her) a "no contact" letter that stated his relationship with her was a horrible mistake, that he was trying to win back my love and get his integrity back, and for her to never contact him in any way. It stated that she was never to call him again and should she see him out, to not attempt any contact. I was very happy the morning I took that letter to the post office to mail it, certified, return receipt ( and she signed for it the next day).

Am I a success story? I don't know. I feel as if I'm falling deeper in live with my H each day because of his loving and tender treatment towards me. However, I'm still on a roller coaster of emotions, with sadness and anger coming and going several times a day. My mind is constantly on the happenings that went on while we were separated. I have decided to limit my questions and discussions about it to one hour, one evening a week. I know my anger was damaging when I didn't restrain it.

I'm reading MANY books about how to make it through infidelity, two and three at a time on my kindle! I've read that it can take several years to get through this. I'm feeling much better about us now but there are days that I just want to get my own home without H because he represents so much pain in my life. I must really love him a lot?