If I am detached, that will just reinforce his belief that I am cold, we can't connect, and I can't fill his needs.
Detaching has got to be the most misunderstood concept in DB'ing. It is NOT about being cold and indifferent. It simply means that you are responsible for your own feelings and emotions. Detaching means you choose to no longer go on the roller coaster ride your S is trying to take you on. Sometimes we relate it to being a lighthouse, you are the lighthouse on the stone rampart while your WAS is the crazy tempest trying to throw waves, wind and sand against you. No matter how violent his storm is, you remain solid and immovable, a beacon of hope to others.
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I know he is still talking to the OW and in his mind I can't compare because he is opening up to her in ways he stopped with me.
This is typical. The WAS is always infatuated with their new OP and the OP can do no wrong in their eyes. That will change with time. You need to work on being the spouse only a fool would leave in the meantime.
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I am getting earfuls from the folks back home who see her car at my house 24/7, that she is bragging to other women about how long it will take for her to move in, how he walks her through the neighborhood in front of students and former students.
Change the subject, tell them you want to talk about something else. Show no interest in your H, it will just fuel his distaste for your M. DO NOT talk to others about what a jerk your H is. DO NOT ever say anything bad about him. It will ALL get back to him. Since it all gets back to him, what you DO want to talk about is your great life and how much fun you're having. Tell them about all the things you're doing and how happy they make you. THAT will get back to him, and that will make him wonder what you're up to.
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but what can my daughter take without it messing her up for life while she is developmentally at the stage where she is creating her view on marriage and love.
It affects the kids, no question of it. Keep an eye on her for behavior issues. Talk to the other teachers and ask them to tell you if she starts acting up or acting depressed. Have the school counselor talk to her. Consider sending her to IC.
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chances of DBing success if I leave the town (move 5 hours away).
There was a thread here a few months back about a couple that reconciled even though they were living in different countries and the woman attributed it to her DB'ing techniques.
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I just don't feel I can wait the 2-3 years many of you have.
DB'ing is NOT about waiting. It's about getting out, getting a life, leaving your spouse to sort his mess out BY HIMSELF. I never would have thought I could stand a year for my M, but here I am. And it's not because I've been waiting, it's because I didn't wait, I chose to live life without W. THAT in turn gave me the peace of mind to stand.
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I am happy to do DBing steps for myself and my growth and IF something good should come out of it with him, great. But I don't want that to be my motive. I don't want to feel like I am waiting for him to see the light.
Good, you've got the idea!
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Are there any turnarounds within a year out there?
