pain- yeah hope he feels some - OOOOORRRRRRR ALLLL PLUS ALOT MORE , PLUS THE AGONY THAT COMES WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE - SINGLE HANDEDLY & SELFISHLY - COST YOURSELF WHAT IS MOST DEAR. (assuming it's true - and someday - someway it crashes into his stupid little insular world)
uh hem - maybe allll that **& a little bit more even.
what? revenge? not me- i can't bring myself to do rotten things or even to wish something horrible on him-
except perhaps that knowledge & resultant - whatever.
as ye sow - so shall ye reap.
i always thought so- my entire belief system may be inn jeopardy here- the fallout is that far reaching.
it makes me wonder how kids deal with cruel parents , alcoholics, etc- how do THEY reconcile someone they love and that they think loves them- hurting them. ya gotta wonder.
fighting hard not to be bitter - or "keep track" of every wrong- shove them out of my mind when it "goes there" -
i'm maybe at live & let live - i'm not at "forgive" yet. i'm working on forget - it is soooo much of the best and now worst things in my life- not sure about this one -
the whole years & years & experience feel like an integral part of me- part of what & who i am. how do ya excise that?
i'm just sayin.
BUT FOR THIS MOMENT- FOR TODAY ) i feel okay & rather positive - even with my grayng hair (gonna dye that mess shortly) and those darn wrinkles (where did they come from- and can i legitimately blame THEM ON SOMEONE - MY OGRE'S DU JOUR???
he left and i did not experience the usual agony-ious feelings- idk why- i'm gong with it.
maybe tomorrow i'll be weeping in my soup- for this minute i'm feelin like my old self.
unfocused & twirling but kinda happy-ish- yay !!
xxoo i'm just hanging on - one little bit longer- don't realistically know for what? or who? or why- I'm just sayin...
