UP UP and AWAY - A New Frindship w/ WAW

[KutieKat]

good morning odga

i wanted to stop by to apologize that i haven't been able to keep up with you and your sitch, but as your last post says, things are looking better than they did the first of the month, so that brings joy

you are in my thoughts often, and i wish you a happy day

i cannot wait to meet you in person in may!!!

[imalright]

odga,
We seem to be in the same place; I don't see my H much either. But, I think it is a sign that we need to keep moving. Work on doing things that makes us happy!

Keep up the flying lessons! And hope your time spent with C is enjoying and friendly. Give her time!

Afterall her confession will take time. She needs to forgive herself. Just like my letter to my H. It was very painful for me to admit to my part of ruining our M. The hurt I carry is very strong, just like C admission is to you. Like me, C needs time to forgive herself. Give her that time and give her your support. I wish someone would tell my H to do this... Feel lucky that you have us women here to give you the tools to make C feel secure.LOL

Knowing you, you are doing the right DR thing! Be her friend and just be there, when the need hits her, she will turn around and there you will be!

Deb

[odga]

Hi KK and Deb and all -
well - an update from this morning - I stated that even though there was no contact yesterday I felt that things were getting better. throughout the day I kept telling myself that there must be a reason for no contact even after I sent an IM in the morning when I saw her onling and no response then in the afternoon I sent another IM while she was online with no response.

Well she did an IM first thing this morning - seems she was out of the office all day seeing clients (that is a good thing for her - it boost her pma) and her new file clerk was using her computer and when the IM came across she just ignored it.

C seemed positive this morning with her IM and will be there tonight to work out (cept that we have a winter weather advisory for tonight here - think we can work out and get home before it gets too bad tho.

[psluke]

Hmmmm...seems I asked about a circumstance that would be a reason for no answer!

Glad you got positive IM's this morning and hope you get your workouts in before the weather hits!!!

[Laurie]

RDJ,
I just read through your post. Much of your determination to put DB'g into action is very heartening! Also, it is so great that you understand the value of building on the friendship, since that is the one door she has left open for you! You realize you need to enter into the part of the relationship that offers the least resistance. You really get that and that is so great!!!!

I just had to share my excitement re: your great approach!!

Take care,

[DBB]

"I have no idea if WAW and I will reconcile, but I can't worry about that right now..it took a long time to get into this Sit, so it'll take a long time to reconcile..if that.
Learning to be my W's Friend is so encouraging because it leaves the door open which otherwise could be closed forever."

Man, you sound amazing. I wish I could get to where you are. I will strive to reach there. WAW is moving on Monday. I've been trying to be her friend, but am still up and down a lot. Next week will be a test. I'll keep coming back and reading your post over and over. Thank you. Hang in there. Will check in.

write

[Laurie]

Hi OGDA,
First of all - great picture!

Second of all, if I am skimming correctly, it appears that in the aftermath of the crisis time, positive responses are still coming from C. So dear friend, I am inspired that you have stayed the course in the midst of tremendous pain.

And talking about pain, how are YOU really doing? Do you need to do anything else to take more care of you? (This is my "mothering" question!) If you are so inclined, could you give me your 1-10 scaling answer? If 1 means you're about as low as you can go and 10 = total happiness, where have you been lately?

[odga]

Thanks Laurie - you posted just when I needed it. I got two IMs from C today one AM and one mid PM - but got stood up for the gym. had all kinds of thoughts from her begin wrapped around a tree on the way to the gym to going out with OM. I came home and found a voice mail from her. Said that her sis needed to talk and middle Son called and needed to talk etc. I then read your post and decided that a friend would call her and let her know I was not upset.

I called and was very upbeat. it seems that her sis (who is still dealing with her H's affair from last year - he has cut it off but she still holds a grudge) She is trying to help her to stay w/ her H if not for them then for the two kids.

She said she feels like she is being pulled every which way. I told her it must be nice to be wanted by so many people. She said she would reserve judgment on that one. At least she knows that I am not angry with her and not pulling her anyway at all.

[Laurie]

RD,

Just reading bwriter's comments brings a question for you.

If you could offer insight on how you were able to really grab hold of the concept of befriending, that would be helpful. And maybe OGDA could offer some help, too.

I find that men more than women really struggle with this. Sometimes H's tell me that if they just focus on the friendship, they are afraid their W's will interpret that as they (the H's) have accepted the walking away, it may give the W permission/freedom to seek an OM.

So gentlemen, please offer your wisdom.

[Laurie]

Well, it is a rare moment that you and I "meet" on the thread!

So, the decision to call her sounded like the more hopeful decision, is that right? It's that good ole "act as if" stuff that can move us through ambivalent times, huh?