Been awhile..

[Jeack]

This was the text I just got from her.

"I wasn't responding because I want you to get over everything. I dont want you to be obsessive over this. i want us to remain civil. Karen said next week shell have everything done. "

Karen is her lawyer

[cbtdad]

Well there is your answer.
I know this is so hard and it is such a terrible feeling.
Like I said before there is no reason to tell her you can't be friends. You just let her make contact and when she does you be nice and short. Don't drag things on and bring things up. Move on continue to be the best person you can be.
You have nothing to lose because she is has already left.
But you can take this situation and grow from it. You have control over your destiny

[Jeack]

Very true C. Dam anger is coming back. I want to tell her everything on my mind. But there's no sense in stooping to her level. She'll find out she made a mistake in time.

[Jeack]

Well I had to have the last word. Thanks everyone for the support, but my voyage to save my marriage had ended up on Gillian's island shop wrecked.

I used to think me being so prompt with responses and calling showed love not obsession. I asked you those questions to help me understand why a woman would leave a "faithful" husband and a nice home for a room in her moms for a man who has nothing. No career or motivation to do anything other than party and rent a uhaul. If that's being obsessed bc I want to understand your logic then hey guess ill be that. I was willing to be diplomatic about starting a family but you ran. You never gave me a chance to finish my thoughts. oh in regards to the aunt Karen thing I was stepping up to back you up but you let people put things in your head and think I'm such a bad guy. No I was a good man to a lying cheating wife for the second time but ill take this divorce on the chin. You don't have to respond idc good luck you'll need it.

Best of luck to everyone out there and thanks again for all the great advice!

[Jeack]

.

[adinva]

Were you bumping in hopes of a response here from dbers? What kind of a response? Have you learned about yourself or grown as a man from this experience?

[Jeack]

I honestly don't know Advina. I think this experience has just taken a real shot to my self esteem, especially considering it my second divorce. I've definetly learned alot of good things and some bad things.

I just can't fathom how she could be doing what she's doing and with who she's doing it with. I asked her some questions for closure and all I get back is i'm obsessive.

[cbtdad]

You have got to give her complete space and time.
J, that last thing you sent was obsessive. Read it back to yourself a few times and try to put yourself in her mind frame right now.
I'm going to share a little of what my W told me since we have started working on things. For te first 3 months of our separation she tells me now that she absolutely loathed me. Wanted to punch me in the face when saw me. Everything thing I sent her or talked to her about went in one ear and out the other. Our MC asked her what changed. She said around march she started seeing a new me. A different person. It was at that point she told MC that she could actually stand to be around me. We started spending more time together and now we are peicing.
Jeack, I know it's tough to hear. But your W wants nothing to do with you right now. That may not always be the case. But right now it is.
A wise man once told me that this process was all about me becoming a better man and a better father. By doing that I MIGHT get a chance to save my marriage.
Focus on you!! That's all you can do right now

[Jeack]

Thanks C, That really put some insight to the situation hearing your story. I've never gave DBing a real shot. But at the same time when I went dark was when she went to OM or so i think. I just need to leave it alone. My paperwork will be done this week. So if anything will work out down the road we'll already be D.

[Jeack]

You have got to give her complete space and time.
J, that last thing you sent was obsessive. Read it back to yourself a few times and try to put yourself in her mind frame right

I didn't find my last text to her as obsessive. I found it being honest about what I thought. But unfortunately when going thru this situation all she does is lie about everything. I just wish I could shake the anxiety I've been getting everyday.