Two years in limbo, it's a fine place

[adinva]

Wow. Thank you, all of you. It is so helpful to have some community with parents of teenage kids going through this. I do feel like since I don't get a lot of opportunities to "lecture" him that' the words I use in any given conversation can take on a life of their so that's why I worry about not bringing my best self each time. But It does me a lot of good to dial back the panic and excess drama and see the bigger picture which you have helped me do.

I agree it will be a long time if not a cold day in hell before my son tells his dad what a rotten person he thinks he is. (Or, how the sitch was painful to him, rather). I'm glad he tells his friends. I believe there will come a day when he sees his dad more as human and flawed and can find some compassion for him but that's a long way off and right now it's all about s15 and feeling abandoned. The self centeredness of a kid is surprising to me until i think waaaaaay back.

I would like to tell my son i think his dad was depressed, probably still is, that this doesnt make a lot of sense to me either and it does hurt but it isnt right to let it get us down. We have to make the best of what we have. I could tell him that i wish h believed in the value of seeking help since its been what gets me through, this community, counseling, reading, being ok with being vulnerable and sharing messy feelings. I wish i cd tell him that i think we should get divorced so we can all heal and move forward. But that i dont know how long that will take, maybe a year or two.

People (aka friends mom) still assume h is gay.

Gm, your question now seems weird to me, what im hoping for. I dont think about things like that at all lately. I am fine right now, i will feel fine i think about formalizing the divorce. I would love to try again with a new relationship with who knows who someday. I dont think about h because it seems silly. H isnt calling, isnt txting, is like a distant cousin or pleasant neighbor. I dont expect or hope for anything different from him but if presented with a change in his approach i will adapt as appropriate at that time. So literally, i am not hoping for anything with regard to him. I am living my life.


I ran into an old friend at Starbucks a couple weeks ago she was going through divorce when we met at a local gym and now it's years later I'm she was the one who left and her son had a suicide attempt so my problems may seem big to me but they're not