Advina, I am not sure I have ever posted to you before. I have to tell you I have always admired how forthright you always are.
I thought I'd share some thoughts, if I may, as my son was 16 at the time of BD.
But before I do, I wanted to just tell you to please not beat yourself up about how you handled things at the meeting. It is very easy to look back and see how you wished you did some things differently.
The thing of it is that you were there. That's what's important. You were there. You showed your son that you care, that you're concerned, that you love him. That is what matters, Ad.
So, do I wish I did things differently when all this went down?Absolutely. I wish I talked with my son and let him know whatever I knew regarding what was happening.
Now, I dont mean the details of our marriage unraveling. Not at all. That was between his father and me. But, we told him we were splitting up and then his father stayed another 10 months.
So, he spent everyday wondering if this was the day dad was leaving. If he's still here, does that mean there's a chance. And then we didnt get divorced for another 2 years.
I am sure it was all so confusing and hurtful. The thing is because I was in the thick of it, trying to get through each day, I didnt even know what was happening.
Looking back, I wish I had talked to him more about where we were at and about what was going to happen.
I didnt have to deal with drug use. I can only imagine how worried you are, how hard it is, how much you are hurting. I am so sorry.
I do know what I did right, though. I never and have not ever said an unkind thing about his father. And while my son did see me upset, I tried really hard to be strong around him.
And I will tell you that my son has recently said these words to me, "Mom, thank you for never doing anything to get in the way of my relationship with my dad. And because you were so strong, I didnt have to worry about you. I knew that if you were ok, then I would be, too".
I think it is ok to tell your son you dont know exactly what is going on with your marriage. That when you know for sure, you will tell him. And let him know that if he wants to talk to you about anything, that you are there for him and that you understand he is angry and sad.
He is a 15 year old boy. By virtue of that, there is not going to be much open communication.
