wow- 25 yrs describes me also - "stuck" would describe it all - wouldn't it?.
BUT as usual, i also find my mind saying - each person's "journey" - idk- it's true & it applies - but it's you and it's me and it's her - allll different people - different "players" - different sitch, different places, etc.
it's soooooo easy to "see" from the outside (i can see me from the outside and judge 0 ) - BUT - does that mean not being there yet is WRONG? - they're nuts (h's) and we are too- different sorts of nuts - and if they stop their "addiction" because they want to- and if we stop our addiction (to them) because we want to and are READY. LIKE ROCK BOTTOM of an alcoholic - you're dead or you change it (of your own volition).
i've heard the bit a million times about leaving them making them "wake up" to what they're losing. i'm sure it's a wonderful ploy and great jolt - AND TRUE TOO - really (maybe)
Quote:
that dropping the rope relieves, is often the trigger for the WAS to change.
but we cannot drop the rope BECAUSE we want them back.
so, as she says, wtf????? soooo I visit more & get out alot more - have friends & a life separate from him when he's gone- i go to work & liked it - it's stalled for summer cause school closed- it's not a job that would support me & the house really) - it's a beginning & feels good and sends some kind of message - but essentially- what the heck does it matter? UNLESS I WALK OUT- it's the really only thing that sends the message - the big message - THE MESSAGE
SO IF I'M NOT SELF sufficient (yet) - and i know it- and i'm not quite "ready" for it - and know it- (and selfish enough to not want to suffer too badly ($$ & lonely) and maybe you're just on your own journey and your compassion for this guy & the strings it produces that still tie you - idk-
i'm enabling also & know it. (you, me - h - i wait for this and wait for that-
i guess i'm wondering out loud to you- soooo- say we agree, say it is a very good strategy - say you or I just chuck it all because someone here n this forum says it - and it is good advice - say that...
it's still , then, us "trying a new ploy" . I AGREE with her that it may just be the thing that makes the sitch move somewhere- BUT - at the same time YOU GOTTA WANNA AND YOU HAVE TO BE DETACHED ENOUGH TO NOT CARE ABOUT THE RESULT- AND if you're not there enough to just do it- then that is the answer, isn't it?
enabling or not- we're sitting around being who we are- doing what we're doing- and i just do not care if i'm wrong or right- smart or dumb - having a plan b ornot- just tired & do not care and perfectly willing to deal with the giant "s" tornado that may decend upon me as a result ( (or not) - and so, just plugging forward at my own lazy pace-
enabling him - yeah. enabling me - yeah - enabling you - yeah (probably alot of other people that would find it convenient to blame me for what they are, are doing, etc.)
i'm thinking "enable" is another trendy notion that is over-used. this business of being a human being (merely) is really inefficient - isn't it???
this girl says be dawn- no apologies. you're probably doing what you gotta do- being what you gotta be- on your own timeline-
input is inspiring - inspecting ourselves and our motives is good thing- within reason i'm not sure any of us want to be shooting our own selves in the foot here- we're "tryin to do our best" job of it- as with most things.
i share your horror over the ow sitch- the insult- the disrespect- on the other hand- this h has done more good things for me- been more good to me- been nicer tome than anyone in the world - for longer. i hate him alot of the time- i owe him something alot of the time - - and that is/was "something" i'm not sure what. maybe what inspires my "loyalty" if that's what it is- my willingness to give him space til i'm about ready to drop. i won't die for him- but i'll (probably- sadly or not) "try standing" til i'm about ready to - (maybe or probably) ???
i hope you're not too churned up and still carrying on okay-
you will be the girl dealing with all the fallout & outcome of your actions and decisions. good or bad - a crap shoot at best - as is all of life maybe -
the pollyanna in me says it's never wrong to err on the side of kindness - no such thing as "too" kind.
