Getting Uncomfortable

[mizjjd]

Hi all.

Nothing too new to report, just felt I should journal.

I am so very very angry of late. Angry at my H, his parents, myself - most anything with a pulse and some things without.

H of course still has his parents to deal with, and I know that weighs heavily upon him. (This is not mind reading - he talks about it.)

And of course there are still children to deal with, which weighs heavily upon my mind.

And I just want to run far far away.

Which would not be good for those children previously mentioned. And, angry and hateful though I am, I am unwilling to dump anything else on H while he has the parent issue to deal with.

I am feeling trapped. By circumstances, or by myself? Are those two things one and the same?

Maybe its just a matter of patience because time will age out the kids, and harsh though it sounds, age out the in-laws as well.

H was going on about a trip he has planned the first few days of Aug to take the twins to his folks. He referred to it as a "vacation".

I said I could use a vacation myself. That even though both of my jobs are "part time" that the working-every-day is a bit of a grind.

H "Why don't you come with us then?"

There is the problem of me not having a passport - H said he would ask the border guards about any options when he goes gambling this weekend.

But then too, there is my problem(s).

I don't want to spend 20 hours in a car. With H.
Dealing with the in-laws is NEVER a vacation.

Mostly though, its not wanting to spend time with H. Because I am so very very angry with him.

I suppose this anger will pass (age out?). But what comes next? I don't know if this is better or worse than the hurt... I think it still has a lot of the hurt in it.

Uck. Now you see why I haven't been writing so much of late.