I mostly need to become more financially stable. I do a lot of contract work and sometimes things dry up. I am over educated and underemployed. Right now I am doing fine but I have no job security. I am trying to start my own business. If that works out then I will be much better off.
Will starting your own business give you MORE security? Seems like the opposite to me. Just asking.
ALSO, do Not underestimate the value of providing financial security. We women want to know that our h's are strong and powerful and that they make us feel safe. That "safety" means security and security includes financial security.
Being a "good provider" matters a lot. That's why it is said so often as a crucial trait.
It's a BIG DEAL and I think it plays into your other issues. Having occasional performance issues, don't downplay the relationship between how you see yourself as a man, and as a provider...
BTW, I have a question. When a man has ED problems, why must it end their sex lives? The wife is still there with her needs. Aside from medications a man can take, it's not as if there are no other ways to satisfy a spouse...I always wonder when I see that comment made, if it means that HER sex life is over too.
ALSO your text inviting her to Vegas went from being a fun hypothetical to an actual invitation, which is clearly pursuit. The non response WAS a response. Live and learn. Do not repeat. LET HER do the next invite and meanwhile become a man only a fool would leave.
I'd work out like a maniac and work full time.
ALSO I am very concerned that you are not mentioning your sons or hers, at all.
Just b/c you are not your stepson's dad, does not mean there is no bond.
Were you a good stepfather? And what about your sons? Are they okay?
This must be very disappointing for them to see you in this situation.
I worry that your failure to even mention their welfare even once, as if it's ALL exclusively about you and w, means they did not feel like a family.
So it's easier to leave. And do not discount the damage your son's will suffer by seeing you divorce again.
It matters. How are they handling all this? Are you hanging out with them more?
Finally, I'm stunned that you are on Match.com so fast.
I mean, I don't get it. You got the bomb less than 4 months ago...barely time to begin DBing... and you have a dating profile already?
SIGH...
From time to time my wife will initiate the communication. For example she sent me a text from Vegas (there for work) about a month ago saying "In Vegas. memories. Feels weird being here alone." She has done more since. Mostly just a thinking of me type of text. She has also initiated wanting to meet up and work out at the gym about 6 time. I Agreed 3 of those times. She wants to keep me around at arms length.
Be less predictable. When you are busy as you should be, make it about your sons, (did the boys get along? If so, do something with all three)
OR your new job
OR your new GAL. Working out is fine, but if she is there, she won't notice your absence. Drop the number of acceptances to her invites down, IF they are simply work outs...if she progresses to a more serious type of event, like a dinner, then go and LISTEN to her.
She will only return to the marriage if she thinks it can be better/different than before.
How would it be better or different than before? Like the first m ended and yet here you are. What would be different if you were to reconcile?
If you go out with her
project a strong man image.
Show her a A CHANGED, more responsible man.
No offense, okay? I feel I have to tell you this so you understand why she may have left...
the image I got of your marriage at the start of your first thread,
was of a hard working achieving w, with an underemployed but educated man, who did Not take care of the household chores and meals but left a lot for HER to do at home, and who has "intimacy issues" all of--which will lead to
a woman who will feel neglected, and then resent it...
What is your GAL? Any NEW hobbies or classes? Join anything like a volunteer organization or networking group or seminar?
meeting new people who don't know your sitch is a good idea. I happen to think dating this fast is too soon.
You have not identified any traits or issues in you that you want to work on. What are they? What are your 180s?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
