Becoming PatientMan II - Still En-Route, Post-D

[PatientMan]

Thanks for everyone's input and support. Today was rough to say the least, but not my worst by far.

It's interesting. Fear and panic of what I have done to distance myself from my best friend and the love of my life are racing through my mind, but I think it's natural. It's a bell I can't un-ring and now I have to live this new life out. I find that I am trying to detach from myself as much as I am from her so that I can stick to the plan of becoming wholly me, not an unfilled me who requires others to fill in the missing pieces.

I don't really have any other friends, so I definitely need to GAL. The depression is back and I've gone through enough cycles of it to recognize it and hopefully take the appropriate steps to minimize its duration.

It's been a year and a half, and I'm still stuck just missing my wife...my friend. But that's why I asked for space. Because it's been a year and a half and I'm still stuck here. Something had to change and maybe I didn't do it the best way, but maybe I did it the right way.

Ramble ramble.

Did anyone listen to that song I linked? I think maybe the word "worst" has a negative connotation, but the way I put it, it isn't a negative to her at all. She seemed to understand what I meant and that's what's important.

To be perfectly honest, I asked for space for her just as much, if not more, than for me. She says she needs to be okay on her own, yet continually reaches out to me. She needs to heal too, and that's her job, yes, but I couldn't help but help, especially if it helps us both down the road.

Did I ever tell you all how I rigged a contest so she could "win" a necklace she couldn't afford? I am such a sucker for that woman...geez.

Space is hard when time screeches to a halt!

-PM