I am here because my marriage seems to be breathing it's last breath. On April 19th, my wife finally communicated that she was in therapy and that she was unhappy. I now know that I should have started making some changes then, but I didn't. I kept going on like usual. He would bicker about stupid things but no real fights. Then after a few weeks of me realizing that she was cold, I withdrew all affection to see if she would respond, she didn't.
on June 8th a day that she was out working, she came home and pretty much avoided me for the rest of the night, hanging out with the kids instead, then took a bath, then took a xanax and came to bed. I asked her if she was avoiding me, and she said "not now" I pushed for answers and it turned into an argument and I told her that if she didn't want me, I should just leave, she said fine. This all just seemed like one of our usual games, but she wasn't playing anymore. I woke the next morning and started packing, the kids caught on and called my parents who came to intervene.
I was hurting and we were so distant at that moment. I said I was just gonna leave my whole life behind and start a new one somewhere else. Not a smart thing to say. She later said that that pushed her from wanting to separate to wanting the big D instead.
Her complaint is that she hasn't felt like I have made her as important as I should have and that her attempts to get my love and attention had failed for so long that she now doesn't feel a thing for me and she cannot recall me showing her any love.
One of her MAIN complaints for the past year or two has been on how much time I was spending on the internet, at a certain site that focused on very negative subjects. Now, part of my reason for being on the site was because of how much time she spend away from me. She had started martial arts, and got really into it, and I felt like I lost her to it, so I found my own thing to get lost in.
We both kept spending more time doing our thing until there seemed to be nothing left between us.
After that last big fight, I stopped going to that site, and I really don't go on the internet at home anymore, if I can avoid it (Makes checking this site out a bit difficult) and I had heard about the love dare book, so i got that and started the 40 day challenge. within the first week was when she told me she wanted a divorce. I begged, for the kids sake and mine, to give me another chance, she halfhearted agreed, and I agreed to go to see her therapist with her.
At the therapist, she agreed to try to stay together and learn to communicate. I explained that i really just want her to be happy in life, and that, since we have kids, we are gonna have to be in each others lives, why not try to learn to communicate, if she still doesn't love me after a while, I'll leave.
A week goes by and she goes to therapy alone. Now, since the June 9th fight, I've been super attentive, I've been cleaning and working around the house (Amazing what one can do when not stuck on the internet!) Apparently, even though she likes the behavior, she doesn't trust it, she thinks I'm being phony just to win her back, and then I'll go back to my old ways. I told her that I am acting out of love and that I will love her no matter what happens between us, but she still wants to separate. She is so angry about me not giving her the attention that she wanted in the past, that she can't be with me now, but she thinks that if we want to work on the marriage, we can get together for dates and do family stuff together a few times a week, so I don't know how I can be out of the house and be there too.
Should I really move out, or should I try and stall for a bit?
Me-41 W-41 M-20y 2 teen sons 1 preteen son BD/ilybinilwy 6/8/13 I moved out 7/24/13
