I'm back, on my own.

[Raine]

C, no I don't and wouldn't tell H that he has a negative effect on the kids. Either he sees it and knows, and you telling him with make him feel negative toward you for passing judgement. Or, he is in a thick fog of delusion and won't believe you anyway. My H thought the kids were doing amazingly. When our oldest started counseling and was acting up at school, H made some positive improvements towards them. He would have had negative feelings and disbelief towards me if I told him he was affecting them.

As far as being his friend: he needs to know that friends don't treat friends the way he does. You can be there for him when he reaches out, but don't pursue him, try to fix him, etc.

Whether it is mlc or immaturity, the course is the same. He needs to grow up.