Not New to This Anymore

[steveh27]

Thanks SP for your support.

The W is not giving me much food for thought R wise. So my 180's seem to be self imposed based on what I think I could change. We have had arguments, about 3 good ones in last 2.5 months. One was when she dropped the EA bomb on me. Another was when we got home from spending the weekend at a soccer tournament where the OM and his family was present. The last was about 2 weeks ago when the W had to interact with the OM for soccer tryouts for next year. My C mentioned that these are part of a kind of PTSD, where it will trigger a reaction. I believe I have controlled this very well, but the times I don't it gets ugly. This is the time she decides to say, "see this is why I'm doing this". With the emotions I am dealing with and the situation, the fact that I don't react more is a miracle sometimes. It's a struggle to keep the "i'm happy if your happy" face on all the time. That may be an unfair comment, but I fight to not show the hurt and to act as if.

We don't really have any conversations prior to sleep except small talk about a tv show or the kids. Lately it has been about apartments and house buying and making sure the kids stay in their respective schools the following year. Last night I came home from a late meeting with business partners of mine (8:00 or so). I was fine but a little quiet. I really didn't feel in a bad mood but not really in a great one either. I'm laying in bed and she goes, "you seem to be in a bad mood. I can sleep downstairs if you need space." I reacted a little bit but not bad. I just said to stop insinuating I'm in a bad mood. I just had a long day and was thinking about some things. I was only being quiet and not making extra conversation with her which I have been working on. In hindsight, I need to just say "no i'm fine" ... and leave it.

For those that don't know, the W's OM is a married man that ours sons play soccer together. They have not really been talking or seeing each other as far I as I've noticed ... as he said he has been working on his marriage and doing MC. I know they do talk occasionally as my W has mentioned but nothing more. Again only from what I can assume, which could be totally wrong.

So we have a soccer picnic coming up this weekend. Should be another awesome (aka awkward) rip roaring good time. Families are bringing supplemental dishes to help with the food. I found it quite humorous that the OM's dish was very complimentary to our dish we are bringing. My 180 for myself has been to stop thinking about the OM dynamic anymore. This is the hardest part for me for obvious reasons, but I know I need to do it for my own PMA.