You are doing GREAT! I wish I could have put my head together so soon into my own sitch. It sounds like you have a great handle on your emotions. That will be a key part in effectively going through this process. Stay your course, remain calm, remain positive and let her see the man only a fool would leave.
Breaking the news to the kids is a really difficult thing to do. It makes the whole situation become so REAL. I had an extrememely hard time dealing with that...and I still do. Like you said, it is so surreal being across from somone you had known so deeply for so long and now you are interacting in a way that seems so unfamiliar. It's tough. It sounds like you handled it exceptionally well.
You have several things that I feel are extrememly positive in your sitch. First and foremost, is that your wife is still present and willing to interact with your. That provides you an excellent opertunity for her to see your 180's. Filling her love tank daily is also great. The only negative thing you mentioned is the score keeping. Remember, only you wish to keep this marriage alive at this point. Don't go tit for tat about anything! If you don't set the tone to improve the relationship, the relationship won't improve. Keep up the good work!!!
You mentioned that you both have been sleeping in the same bed, and that you both slept together the night you broke the news to your children. Is there any discussions prior to going to sleep? Are you still communicating? If so, are you really focusing on validation? Are you being the best listener you can possibly be? During these times, you need to have your ears and mind open. She will be providing you with the things you need to know. Listen to her feelings, validate them and then go make them part of your 180's.
What I have done in regards to the divorce proceddings is simply ignore it. Now, my situation is likely much different than your own, but there was a point in time that my W was also pushing hard for divorce. At first I was pushing forward as well. Then I realized I didn't want a divorce, so I just pulled back from it completely. I avoided all conversations about it. I never mentioned the word. I stopped discusssing anything to do with W or myself moving forward. I am not sure what ultimately caused it, but our divorce is seemingly on hold. My W has not moved forward an inch since I stopped being a part of the process....just something to think about, especially since your sitch is so very very fresh.
