The hurt has been overwhelming lately. I am just sad, always sad. Even when I laugh and enjoy a time with a friend, I am sad underneath. I just feel extremely empty. Wife was here yesterday to pick up D. I asked her a couple questions about OM, specifically about children. I asked if he had kids of his own. She said he has a great relationship with his Ex-Wife and spends lots of time with his Ex-step children. I found that a little comforting, being that he is also spending a lot of time with my daughter now. It's good to know that he (at least) seems to like kids....but in the end, I wasn't mad hearing her somewhat admit to being involved with this guy. I just felt sad and empty. I wish I could make those feelings stop. I wish so dearly that she would glance back and give our marriage a second chance, but I feel with my heart that she never will. I know her pretty well, and I don't believe she will ever look back. That is sad. That makes me feel empty.
I have thought a little more about IC, but I keep remembering how lackluster my previous couseling sessions have been. I have not been overly impressed. Perhaps I just had poor counselors, but overall my experiences have been un-impressive. I have got very little out of them. Actually, I get much more insight and focus here, than I have had in counseling. Maybe I just need to try again with someone different.
As far as GAL, I am not so sure that I am going in the right direction with the new group of people I have been hanging with lately.....lots of drama....lots of stuff I just don't like. It's a singles clique, and to be honest, I am more of a married clique sort of guy. I just don't fit well into that group of people any longer, without having a partner to do activities with. I have not been very successful finding positive people who have lots of time to share. That is my problem. I need a lot of interactions right now, otherwise I get very down very quickly. It's been a little discouraging, but I am trying everyday to GAL and find a path. It just seems with this huge load of sadness and emptiness holding me down, finding that path is considerably harder to do.
