Currently ive had alot of crying spells- (ANYTHING involving D3). Im feeling overwhelmed and had had challenges getting day to day stuff done. I feel tired and everything feels hard.
this depression is kicking my anxiety into overdrive. Here is the chain of events.....
I need to do something it feels too hard I avoid it or delay it while im avoiding im anxious I EVENTUALLY do it -after it feels so good because Ive fretted so much- but now im exausted.
I think I may be better if/when I need to get my own place- anxiety and pain of seeing wife happy is just too hard right now along with her nightly calls to say goodnight to D3.
I am detaching well- My therapist and Dr. tell me that they are amazed by my progress. Ive been with my W for almost 1/2 of my life- Im making ALOT of changes .....i think im finally out of the "shell shock" stage.
I still have the dream that the new me reunites with the new her and that we make D3's family whole again. Even I know that right now would be too soon for that to be successful.
Reality bites- but im rebounding
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
PS, I've struggled with anxiety and depression for about half my life now. For most of this time, I've been treating it with various SSRIs (from Zoloft to Prozac to Lexapro). Recently, my GP added Wellbutrin to the mix and that helped A LOT. It targets different receptors. I've weaned myself off the Lexapro because of the side effects, and seem to be managing pretty well on just the Wellbutrin. Just a thought, in case just SSRIs aren't working for you.
" I don't know why your family is acting so weird towards me. I'm the mother of your daughter-my mother doesn't act weird towards you"
I was so taken aback I was speechless. My response was " because YOU decided to do this, I had no say , I had no choice, you decided to do this .....I can't believe you are surprised by this.....
I left early to go to a mtg- I knew nothing constructive would come from my mouth and d3 was right there
Her head is so far up her arse right now that the best I can do is be the responsible party that TRIES to take the high road
Every time I begin to be convinced by " pros" that this is not a MLC something like this comes out of her mouth that reconfirms it in my mind
Lefty- I am already taking Wellbutrin -150mg/day.....saw my Dr today and we moved to 300. The concern is if it kicks me into manic
It Feels like depression but I ask myself with all the changes in the last 6 mths if it is fatigue/ comedown......dr tells me to track how many hours of sleep I get a nite
Had to hop on tonight to share her comment- I needed some folks "in the muck" to vent to"........
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
It sounds like a MLC to me, too, but what do I know.
My initial dose of Wellbutrin was 150mg, but we bumped it up to 300 after a few weeks and I saw a pretty good improvement at that level.
Do you have a smartphone? I have an app for my iPhone called Sleep Cycle that tracks and grades my sleep. All I have to do is plug in my phone at night, launch the app, and place it on the bed. The sensors in the phone track my movement which (roughly) corresponds to how well I sleep. It's pretty handy. I'm sure there's something similar for Android if you have one of those, too.
Hey PS! Catching up. Good to have you back. I am with you on the depression. I have been cycling some of that myself.
Whoaaa! My W doesn't understand why people treat her differently either. (specifically our friends) That blows my mind. But then you and I are not operating in selfish ME mode. Nothing gets me more than when the perpetrator plays the victim. Good for you leaving for the meeting early. Great exercise in self control.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend! It's hard when the depression monkey is sitting on your back (I know all too well lately!) But do your best to get out and GAL. Just keep telling yourself that you kow it's good for you, even if you don't feel like it!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
The increasing of the Wellbutrin has helped- ALOT. It FEELS better in my world right now. Its the place I will need to be as I continue to move forward.
I now have a plan in place for what I will do after the house sells. My friend has asked me if D3 and I would move into his place for as long as we want (year +) . We would have 2 nice bedrooms- This would be a HUGE win/win because I would have my year (without a lease) to decide where my life is going and my friend would have a year of me being able to watch over his property and his sick partner- while he is on the road.
My goal during this period would be to pay off my student loan and buy a NEW car -in cash.
Friday night was the second night that D3 stayed at wifes apartment. It also happened again last night. It feels VERY weird. I miss her so much and meals alone- SUCK
Im learning that I may be VERY co-dependent and I CLEARLY get that from watching my parents as I grew up. My father would always say "I cant say no to your mother" and he does everything for her. Her drug is food and was smoking.
Ill be digging into this topic more with my therapist tonight.
It seems as thou my wife is using her mothers house as a pick up/drop off point for D3. W no longer talks to me and if we end up at the breakfast table together she exchanges pleasantries. There is ALOT of avoidance on her end.
As I was eating breakfast I noticed something VERY interesting on my refrigerator.......There is the typical D3 art, calenders, pics etc....but there are also several comic strips and a robert Frost poem and a Thoreau quote- all the same theme either meaning of life or living life to the fullest. My wife put all those up.
I know- stop mindreading. I stopped at noticing the pattern
Lefty- I have yet to break 200- lowest was 200.2- today 200.8
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I am realizing my co dependency with the wife as well. I was so independent before I met her. Now all I can think about is getting back with her or finding another woman asap! I enjoyed having a lady with me to share the good and bad times with.
Congrats on the weight loss!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
