Snodderly thx for response. Yes I met with my sponsor today. He helped me with some fear based thinking. Situation came up with W when I was meeting with him. W asked me what time I was going to vaca house with kids and I was afraid to make a decision. He said make a decision and stick with it. Stop living your entire life in fear. So I did and she wasn't happy. He told me only answer what is relevant. Do not answer things that put fuel on the fire. She was all of sudden upset I was traveling to vaca house with kids at bedtime. Something we have done in the past often. But I told her that was what I was doing and I never heard back from her again.

He also asked me if I was willing to give up everything to get better. Everything. That hit me hard.

I have a new sponsor now that lives much closer. Same town and he went through the 12 steps and a messy divorce. So that will be help too. I hope and pray he is as strong as my current sponsor.

Yes my W seems to keep bringing up the past. I did not apologize again. I said that I already apologized and it was on her to forgive me not me. She said she couldn't. I said ok

I did bring up that trust is very hard to build back. That every time her pc runs slow, or computer gets hacked, or something is not in order (clothes draw), or my laptop running 24x7 in basement doesn't mean Im up to no good. So we at least got that out on the table. I KNEW she thought I was up to no good even though I wasn't.

I'm not telling her of my changes, but I state I am doing my work and that I am sorry if she feels she isn't seeing any changes.

I asked her to treat me as an adult last night and all she could say was "Why you don't treat me as one"

Some other odd stuff she said. "you come home every night and play with the kids and make yourself look like the father of the year" I said I come home and play with the kids because I love my kids.

She dropped some lines about playing with the kids but not helping her.

She also stated she stays home every night because of me. I said I wish she would make plans when I get home to have a break from the kids. She blamed me for this too.

She also stated she felt like I was manipulative by planting trips to vaca house in the kids head without speaking to her. I reminded her that I did speak with her first about vaca house and that defused that. That me and her didn't have the greatest communication and I want to approach her on things but don't like that it turns out like this.

My sponsor did state if she truly wants a D and you do love her you might have to let her go. Give her what she wants. It wasn't something I truly liked hearing but I do understand it

Sorry just random order of stuff. I still am doing my work. I am actually leaving so late tonight so I can attend my meeting first at 730. That is one thing I told her that I couldn't miss tonights meeting