Soul.Searching my way back (#2)

[Soul.Searching]

I'm awesome Subguy, Thanks for asking. I know now, That my story here is one of success, Not the kind that is initially hoped for here but the kind that was right for me.

It's been over nine months now, since STBXH left for the final time. It's been one hell of a ride. One that I'm not sure how I would have gotten through, without this site and all the fantastic, wonderful people who post here.

I joined this site a broken woman, One whose life was a living hell. I hurt right down to the very core, My life was all about surviving. I was hanging by a thread, One I thought may break at any given second.
Little did I know My life was changing into something more glorious, than I could have ever imagine. I was being set free.
It wasn't just H leaving. I had a lot of death and suffering happen to close family members and old family pets. It was a very hard, horrid time but the lessons I learnt, The things I realised, The signs I was given are all priceless.

I didn't have a good marriage. STBXH and I just didn't fit. Our core morals and values were just too different, he was toxic for me.

STBXH is still with the same GF. Actually I found a hidden piece of paper a few months ago, One that says that H was in fact with her before he left me. I haven't told him I know, It's irrelevant now. We don't talk these days, unless it is about the kids. I put a stop to that months ago. His GF doesn't like me LOL, he won't talk to me when she is around. He brought her to one of S8's functions last week and they were cuddling and "Showing off" and all I felt was happiness. Happiness, that I am free.

I didn't realise just how unhappy I was in my marriage. I now know what happiness is like again. I know know what it is like to actually let my hair down and enjoy life.

I have a totally new look and it feels so right. I have reconnected with myself again. I'm still single and for the most part, loving it. I have to admit, at times I still long for that intimate connection. Although, that is something I have been longing for, for years. STBXH was not the person my heart desires. I see that now. What I also see is that I would rather be single for the rest of my life, than to be in a relationship, like I had with STBX

My children are great for the most part. There is still some adjusting going on for them but I'll be there to help them through it, every step of the way.

I want to send my deepest, heartfelt thanks and gratitude to all of those wonderful people on here who helped my through my darkest hours, Many of which were going through some of their own darkest days. I honestly don't know how I would have survived without your help. This site was my lifeline. The only place I felt truly comfortable enough to talk so openly and honestly. I really don't think I could ever express, just how grateful I am or how much this site helped me.

I will try to catch up on some of your threads soon.
I still pray for you all and wish you all nothing but love, light and happiness.