Say What??

[2chiquitos]

Thank you la bug, ng, kp, subguy for reaching out to me. I was in a moment of despair and needed to use all my resources to help me calm down. Thank you for that. :-)

My sitch has taken a turn. H has agreed to fully commit. He called OW, put her on speaker and told her to stop communicating with him because he is reconciling with me and wants to be with his family. OW fought back and H was stern with her. The sitch got worse but in the end I believed him. He doesn't want anything to do with her.

H has said things I was always hoping to hear. He was blind for 2yrs. Shortly after I started doing 180s n acting as if, he knew he wanted to come back but didn't know how. OW was a mistake. He found himself comparing us. She was very negative (like I was before) and I was more upbeat. He saw this after about 3mos after BD.

I also discovered that after BD he introduced her to his family and friends. They had never told me but looking back, now I know why they distanced themselves from me. This hurt a lot. I don't feel special. That's why it hurts. These feelings were the same ones I had 2yrs ago and I was hoping to get past them.

I feel very guarded. We hug and kiss (peck) but that's as far as it goes. I'm not ready to ML. Now that he gave me full access to his cell, email, fb, I find myself checking it every so often. It's an obsession! It's my vice! I'm looking for something that will pinch me from this dream I'm in.

But when we're doing good, it really is awesome. I can tell a difference in my kids behavior. They laugh when we hug n kiss. D2 had never seen us this way before so she'll push H away or want me to hug her. S5 was 3 when H left so he wants to be included and he'll laugh and get excited. They are my drive.

It's because of them that I made all these changes. Whether H n I reconciled, it no longer mattered. I wanted my children to be healthy and see their parents interact.

What would I recommend a newcomer who's WAS continues to be unfaithful after LBS has discovered the affair?
Follow the DB principles to a T!
Get a DB Coach 6 sessions at least!
Find a support group (Al Anon was mine) and go to 3-4 mtgs a week!
Leave your sitch up to your Higher Power! We only have so much control over the sitch. In the end, it's up to HP to handle it.
Surround yourself with healthy people!! Healthy behaviors because your WAS is very unhealthy and the sitch will suck you into their tornado!

There are more but I must stop there.

I will be moving over to piecing.
Thank you to all of you who posted on my threads. I have made some AMAZING friends on this journey. I'd like to think that my journey is not over. Reconciling is hard work and I continue to walk the road to recovery from this sitch.

I love you all!