Just reading up on your journey GM, im so sorry you've gone/going thru so much. I also find it completely crazy a parent is this oblivious to what there doing to the kids.
I know in my situation, I had one daughter not graduate this month, and a son that's straight A's fail 4 of his 6 classes. All this happened since the ILYB speech. The first thing my wife said is "don't even blame this on our marriage situation". My wife would vanish every weekend, i'd find out later paying for airfare and rental cars she was taking trips she wouldn't talk about. Needless to say she was never home, and the kids noticed, but they aren't fooled. That also doesn't mean they are/were dealing with it well.
I think some therapy for the kids is a great idea, but not for the reasons your husband is pushing for it.
