thanks - needed the hug - I need to let my meds take effect and let her change in meds take hold too. also she knows about my phone db tonight - Sunday night phone call she asked me what time Tuesday it was. Interesting that she remembered that I had it.
You are a great guy, but, I totally understand how you are feeling. As many have told me; this is a bump in the road, you can only go up from here. And BTW, it's Ok if we get depressed, I know, been there many times. Just don't stay there!
Writing the letter helps get it all out, but I think it's best to erase it, no matter what happens, C knows what she has done and she has to live with the guilt.
I would also like to say that I think both C and my H are going through the stage of feeling bad about what they have done to us. We NEED to keep DBing even though we don't feel like it, the rewards will be great, because we know we DBed and never gave up!
So Bob, here's another hug {{{{Bob}}}}!
Seems we are going through the same stages; feels like we are backsliding, doesn't it? Well, it's something C and my H have to go through. So drop the rope and give her space. It's hard I KNOW! Because they reconnected with us and know they have backed away.
Don't worry as long as we keep DBing there will be an inswing. Be ready, they will be coming back toward us!
she came back from lunch and responded to my IM that her B had called - she said he called her first and she gave him my cell number and hoped it would be alright. I said it was fine then asked "how are you" ....... Long pause I then sent a rainbow icon. (which I send when I end IM with her..... Long pause - resonded "it's been crazy here today" I responded mine too - went to dentist this am. no answer then I told her I had a tooth pulled. no answer. told her I would need a bridge. no answer
I said well - you seem to be busy - I will catch you later. Long pause then "sorry Have 4 people here right now"
I will give her benefit of doubt on that for now. Will let her contact me back if she wants.
morning Coffee and positives - (no list tho - just narrative)
C met me at the gym for a workout last night with trainer and went to eat after. she said she had gone to see a counselor but no insurance to cover it so may try to find another one. Said she was now off old meds and fully on new meds. She did a gradual change and she said she feels better on the new meds. Feels that she can concentrate better and has more energy. We started talking about our past "US" and We had a deep R talk about our M. She felt that the last year of our M she was married to a strainger. I told her that I felt the same way but that even though the low testosterone lowered my libedo and I should have gone to a Dr. for check up when she suggested it last year, I also did take her for granted and that I was totally wrong for that. I told her my long term goals with us but told her that I was not going to put pressure on her to make any decisions now. I did that when we first started dating too - I just dated and even though she knew what I wanted I waited til she was ready for more and I told her that I can do that again.
After this talk she stated that she wanted me to start doing other things (she did not say date other people tho like she had in the past) and not make her my only thing and that she was going to date others too.
Even though it was lightly raining when we left I stood by the open door of her car after she got in and we had some good kisses and as I gently stroked her cheek with the back of my fingers, she reached up and took my hand and embraced it gently between her cheek and her shoulder then gently kissed it.
Usually when we leave, she ask me to give her a call to let her know I got home safely so after I got home I called her to let her know that I was home and to check that she was home ok too. We chatted for a few minutes and said our good nites and sweet dreams and hung up.
About 10 or 15 minutes later she called me back and said she had forgot to ask me something. She then said that there had been a possum outside the other night when she let B - our puppy, now 10 months old so almost full grown - out to do his thing and he started to chase the critter even though it was twice the size of B. She asked me if possums spray the same as Skunks do and if they bite. We talked for about 10 more minutes about critters and such, had a chuckle or two and again said our good nights and sweet dreams.
I thought the evening went well and we were kinda starting to move back to working on friendship. After the last call I was sure of it.
Still have a long way to go though - I sense that she feels that if we did get back together we would end up like our last year together again. It may take quite some time to convence her that I will not take her for granted again.
I think a lot of baby steps here! WOO HOO! Just thought I'd point this out to you, because sometimes we are so close to our own sitch we don't see all the positives!
The way C said goodbye, odga, she loves you! She just doesn't want to hurt you, give C time and keep doing what works. You are now on an inswing, buddy! I'd say the friendship is back on!
Deb - I think it is too - but the nagging thing - she said she is still going to date - Well I don't have sex with friends. I only ML and only in a monogamus relationship so for now no ML until she is ready for a one on one again.
She told me to start doing more things with friends and all - as I don't have that many other friends I activated my account on Match.com but only as to friends - both male and female. I clearly says that I am not looking for any relationship other than friendship. maybe after a few weeks on her new meds too things will settle out -
Also she was telling me that she was reading an article that said that women's hormones go down in the winter (like bears hibernate) and they get real depressed then. Said she is looking forward to spring (just 6 weeks away) - maybe she is saying to just hold on for a few?? I might as well - don't have any other plans.
Well, i can tell you it is correct; we do get depressed during winter. i think we work on solar and lack of sun drives us crazy! LOL
match.com? uhm... I think you have friends here on the BB. You don't need friends from match.com. BTW, I was on there last year, that was a big mistake, for me anyway.
Deb - Match.com has two areas - one for dating and one for friends - my profile clearly states that I am looking for either men or women to just be friends - trying to find someone in my area to go out and do things with, get out of the house and get a life so to speak - do you know how to play "virtual pool"? I have two $200 cue sticks that I have not used in years - and I use to be halfway decient.
Of course I will not dump my friends her on the board.
