Questions without answers...will the hurt stop?

[albamarie]

I’m not sure who wrote your quote, but about the 5 yrs. H went into a self-reflecting dep when the stock market hit in 2/08 as we had to stop the build on our new home. His anger grow over the yrs. and in 2011 he flipped his rage on to me, pretty much over night and had the A the next day. He met EA during this anger and has known her 2yrs now. So it’ been 2yrs w EA that have been DBing because I was determined to fight for my M, and not let a stupid EA determine my R with my H.

Before he flipped his anger was never against me, or the family, and he was making plans to stay in our present home and make it kick as$ in the face of the market fall. We refinanced instead, planned our new rooms and he started on the construction.

When he flipped, again seemingly overnight, his face changed, he looked like a completely different person, pierced lips, beady cold eyes, he threw lots of his stuff away, put on a bandana and was gone, mentally.

I didn’t do anything about the A, he came home and shaved his head in “shame” and kicked himself out. I know “now” that is part of the game. I thought he was leaving so I pleaded to work on us, and not let this tear us apart. He didn’t have another PA, but met EA and latched on to her crazy life for excitement.

I admit a lot of my writings last yr. was very much out of my own dep. I slipped out of my dep roughly around the holiday’s last yr. It was my mom and dad’s rejection of my handling my M, my kids, my life and turning their backs on me (again) that made me snap and become a fighter.

I found the strength in myself again, he noticed, he got closer to me.

I don’t see him vastly changing. His spiritual battle is the only thing he fights against these days, cursing God, and challenging Him. He isn’t blaming, or mean to me, and yea my youngest was D18 at the BD, nor is/was he mean in anyway to them. Funny, I noticed his flip when he kicked the dog! Now he spends everyday making it up to him.

Financially, “IF” he didn’t pay I would be devastated. My S26 is home working up the ladder as a Chef, (in Chicago you start really low and cheap), while paying loans. My S24 is paying loans, and still working as a waiter while looking for a full time job in his field that will pay more than the waiter job, S22 hasn’t even finished school yet, makes great union money working w H, and is becoming a father this Aug, D19 is starting college and works at the mall. All boys pay rent, rent that was at first picking up H’s slack while dep. and now that just helps. They pay 100 percent their own way, we are a very close family, they also cook and do the carpentry H dropped.

Could we all pitch in and get rid of him, not financially, they can’t put out anymore, nor is it up to them, they need to work on getting theirs one day. Me, am looking for
a new field, my license is useless in this economy. I’m in real estate and started my own Staging business, no one can afford to have their home staged these day, you can’t even get a loan.

My goal now is to be away from him. I told him I want him away from me for a long while. How? What does drop the rope completely look like?

Today he said if I want him out I will have to have the police escort him…he will not walk, because he won’t be the one to end it. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? He ended it a long time ago, not according to him though (cake eater). What does that mean I have to be the one to end us he would never end us. Control freak?!

Thank you, 25 for the time you put in to really talk to me, I will be rereading this later, hoping to find what I am doing to enable, what do I do that sounds like enabling, I may just be that nieve.