Unfortunately if I communicate my own boundaries to her she interprets it this way.
OK, I see what you're saying. Sometimes they just want to go monster no matter what you do/ say. I think you're right that the only reasonable thing you can do to combat that is just go as dark as you can. Limit contact to just the bare necessities regarding the children.
As a sidebar, there's no telling why she's going monster but my W did it briefly and told me after a few days that she couldn't do it anymore because she felt guilty being mean when I was being so nice to her. I asked her why in the world she felt like she needed to be mean to me and she said she thought it would help me accept the breakup. Unbelievable!! I'm just mentioning that so that you can hopefully see that your W may not be doing it because she hates you, but because she mistakenly thinks you need her to be that way.
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In regards 180's I cannot find anything that works, there is too much damage, anger and emotion at the moment. It is over which is something I must accept.
Do them for you, to be a better person. It sure sounds like nothing you can do right now is going to be viewed by your W in a positive light. So do it for you. Maybe with more time she will come to appreciate your changes.
