My Five Year Update! Yep! It's Been That Long!

[mkultra]

I sooo need to read that! THANK U AGAIN!

I know that this is a site for Saving the Marriage but I am now at the point of surviving the dating experience post divorce.

A tiny step today. Today I woke up and he was NOT the first thing I thought about! For months, years, he was the last person I fantasized about and the first thought I woke up to.

So little distractions and DBing will help me even though he was not the man I divorced. He was the man I was too scared to move on with.

I am still comparing every person the my ex-husband. I look at history and movies, and pop-culture and wonder how other first wives have moved on?

I feel this compulsion to upgrade. It is very shallow. I know.

I married the funniest, sweetest man I had ever met. He worshipped me. Gave me two babies. He lost his job, got depressed, and fell in love with a young poor orphan woman. Sad.

Then, I dated the wealthiest man in our county. Trust fund baby. Philanderer. He still asks me to marry him but I'm done. I DBed with him, too.

Then, I became friends with benefits with the tallest man in the room who was the most educated man I have ever been with. 6'5 alcoholic. Amazing sex. Never had the conversation. This lasted three years. He has moved on. I am lost. I know this one still loves me. It just did not work out. His drinking, my motherhood status.

Last, I started hanging out with a semi-famous composer. I did not kiss him. We are just experiencing music together. He is not interested in me.

Yet, I see this pattern. Besides, my ex-h, they really do not care or really know me. I have intimacy issues.

I am scared! lol I need to read that book. I ma getting exhausted.