Thank you Bea, BR, Snodderly, Linda and MizJ for sharing your experiences and concerns.
I think my feelings are most akin to Bea's right now. After knowing someone for 18 years, since university, he has been such a part of my growth. Even in this situation, he has given me that gift.
But, at least for the moment and maybe longer, I really do want to focus on me and my life. In that way, I do not feel like doing any work to bring us together; at least not as the initiator. I miss my Best Friend, but I have no physical desire for him. I know that is different than what many of you are dealing with, but I can recall him asking me for a hug at the airport and at first, I turned him down. I could not bear the thought of a person who was screwing around on me, touching me. I know many of you feel very differently and I am in no way judging; but the thought of him touching me makes me sick.
So yes, we would be starting at the VERY beginning. In fact, I trust a stranger more than I trust xSO to tell me the truth. xSO is a known liar and cheat; the stranger at least gets the benefit of the doubt at first.
Those threads are faint, MizJ and they are all because of the past. I know nothing of his life right now. He could already be moved in with GF and kids and is in paradise.
I don't want to start a pity party, but for most of my life I have felt second best - there is lots of history behind that - and the thing is what I want most of all from my life partner is to be first best. What I also need to learn is for ME to treat ME like I am first best.
And trust that when I am done; I will know it.
On the up side of things, Snodderly, I had to take kitty for her annual check up. No telling who had more fur on her by the time we were done - me or her! Apparently, she is not fat, she's fluffy...and healthy.
