UP UP and AWAY - A New Frindship w/ WAW

[freckles1]

Good Morning ODGA -

There's a piece on rebuilding trust that came from the About Marriage site on my thread titled "Rebuilding Trust" over in Newcomers. My C (who has taken Michelle's courses) believes it is a very good piece.

I just wish H would want to try.

Hope this helps.

Mary

[holdingon]

Here is the post from freckles:

HOW TO REBUILD TRUST

1. Make a decision to love by trying to let go of the past. Stop obsessing about it.

2. Decide to forgive or be forgiven.

3. Show that the errant behavior is gone by changing behaviors. That means no more secrets.

4. Together, set specific goals.

5. Both of you must renew your commitment to your marriage and one another.

6. The wounded spouse must share their pain. The other must acknowledge the hurt caused by the devastating experience.

7. Listen completely to one another and with your heart, not just your head.

8. Be honest.

9. Avoid using words that can trigger conflict. Use non-blaming "I" statements and don't say always, must, never or should.

10. Take responsibility for your own actions and decisions.

11. Be open to seeking counseling to have a better insight into what caused the trust to be broken.

12. Remind one another that you each deserve open and honest answers to your questions about the affair or betrayal.

[odga]

another Positive (I think) from last night's call - she asked me about my upcomming DB phone session tomorrow night w/ Laurie. She did not say anything more about it just to acknowledge that it was tomorrow and to ask when.

[holdingon]

odga,
I posted to you on my thread, but I'll try to repeat it here.

I know what your W has opened up to you about is NOT what you wanted to here. But the fact that she HAS opened up to you brings your new R to a whole new level. She felt compelled to tell you about the OG... why? I would think the only reason why is because she wanted to see how you felt about it, if you would be able to accept her and get past it so you can CONTINUE to build your R... Hang in there. Remember, your sitch hasn't really changed, just your perception of the sitch... remember to act as if everything is AWESOME, cause it is...

[odga]

Again Thanks holding for your post - I did pick up your resonse to my post on your thread too.

another thing in my favor (I think) - she told me Friday night that the last thing on her mind right now is sex. If that is true then it is also a strain on the OG - Before we married I did not push her to have sex and waited til she was ready - I can do that again.

Also Holding I have something to ask you next time you see me on IM, re: her two margaritas - she swears to me that that is all she had.

[imalright]

{{{odga}}}

Thanks for stopping by my thread. Although I haven't been posting, I've been coming here and reading others posts.
Sometimes our S's have to back away from us for awhile, in order for them to deal with all the guilt they're carrying around.

Glad you two talked this morning, don't worry when she sees you are forgiving she will come back in the fold!

Take Care
Deb

[odga]

talked last night - about 25 minutes - no contact today altho I see she is off and on the IM - she knows how to push the send button if she wants to contact me - til then I will give her some space to go over all in her mind.

[odga]

morning coffee and more positives

1. no contact at all with C yesterday I did see her sign on the IM around 8:30 and as she alternated from online to away throughout the day, I guess not contact at all means she is still struggling which way to go which means I am not out yet.
2. Have to go to the dentist first thing this morning. the first of many visits to come. I HATE going to dentist but at least I will get teath fixed
3. had a good workout last night, I have not been going this last week so It is good that I start back up. after all a good body doesn't hurt if attracting someone new.

[Livnlearn]

Good Morning Odga

I see you are managing to see the bright side of things!

I too have had little contact (since yesterday!) or at least it seems like little after the loads of contact recently. I want to email H with bits of chit chat, but would prefer for him to feel I am not hanging on to his every word and move right now. Hard, isn't it??

Livnlearn

PS We went ahead with the separation yesterday, but it was a very pleasant day after all, very wierd, I can tell you.

[psluke]

Good Morning Odga,

You sound good today!

Have a total up up and away day.