The time away, even if it was just for a weekend helped? I'm so beating myself up still over getting out. Maybe I need to get out for a weekend. Last night felt like the final straw for me.
What happened for you last night that it felt like the final straw?
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Am I naive to think that my H is not having an A/EA? To me, it seems, more often than not, in my situation there is another person involved, even if only EA. It seems drastic that my H's behavior changed so suddenly, and that he is not recognizable at all to me, to the person he used to be a few years ago. Is it possible he has just fallen out of love with me, and it doesn't have to do with another person? He has lost a tremendous amount of weight in the past 2 years and started dressing better.
I have asked him if there is anyone else and he swore there was no one. (this was before my DB'ing and reading the book). He said he would never do that to me,he respects me too much, he said. I have no evidence that there is another woman. For a while, my suspicions were getting to me, and I felt sure there was someone else, but there was no evidence. A few months ago, I got suspicious and questioned him why he was constantly guarding his phone, whereas he used to leave it out. He said it was since it was winter, he left it in his coat pocket. He also got a new phone at work and put a password lock on it. I asked him what the password was, and he told me I didn't need to know it, I could just use the emergency call button if I needed to make a call. I said, that's ridiculous, and he ended up giving me the password. He seems flustered if I ever want to borrow his cell phone, although perhaps I am imagining that.
Not sure if this is a big deal or not... please weigh in!! Last fall he went to lunch at a restaurant with a female coworker. I found out about it way after the fact. On his birthday, this coworker sent home a pie for my husband for his birthday. The next day, she sent home something for my children that helps them stop sucking their thumbs. As far as sending the pie home, I thought that was overstepping her boundary, and also, I had a cake I was planning on giving him for his boundary, so I felt I was competing. That was when it came out that he had lunch with this woman, and didn't tell me about it, I was so upset, for one that he didn't tell me about it, and also that he did that. As far as my boundaries, I am not comfortable with the idea of my H going for lunch with another woman. It came out in counselling that the reason he didn't tell me about the lunch was because he knew it would upset me. So.. if he knew that, why would he do it?? argggg..
Am I reading too much into all of this? I try to not worry about it too much, but it seems that so often there is someone else involved in this sort of situation. Should I be worried or not.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
You should be worried bc of the problems in your m and the ilybinilwy. There most likely is an ea or pa but that is s symptom not a cause of your m breakdown. What you do in either case, a or no a, is be a woman only a fool would leave. Get busy, gal, find any improvements you need to make in yourself, and try to stop thinking about possible ow. IMHO.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Thanks adinva. I will try not to dwell on my suspicious/jealous thought when they come up. I just see it happens so often, I do not want to be the naive wife with her head in the sand.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
Strange turn of events last night. My H went out to the bar with his brother. His brother is the only person my H has reached out to and talked to about what is going on with our relationship. Last time they talked his brother told him he thought my H should keep working on our relationship, and seemed to support him that way. That was a few months ago.
My H got home late last night. He came to bed and was just staring at me. My H actually told me he wanted to snuggle and kissed me on the back. Then he grabbed my hand and squeezed it a few times. I am so confused. This is the first time he has reached out to me physically in a few months. I was flabergasted. I hope this is a positive sign. Maybe he had a good/positive conversation with his brother?
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
My H got home late last night. He came to bed and was just staring at me. My H actually told me he wanted to snuggle and kissed me on the back. Then he grabbed my hand and squeezed it a few times. I am so confused. This is the first time he has reached out to me physically in a few months. I was flabergasted. I hope this is a positive sign. Maybe he had a good/positive conversation with his brother?
This is actually not unusual. You've been giving him time and space and working on yourself, now he's starting to wonder if he might lose you so he's reaching out with a little pursuit behavior. DO NOT overreact to it. He will pull back again, just expect it and try not to be too upset when it happens. Right now he's not committed to reconciliation, he's just trying to keep you on the hook. Play it cool, keep up with your DB'ing. Keep being mysterious and keep up your GAL.
Thanks AloneStander. It's good to see to small signs that what I am doing is working. I was starting to feel like there was no hope and i was almost ready to give up. Thank goodness for this forum... and thanks for the advice everyone. For now i am going to continue to let him be the one to initiate any affection.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
